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| Funny Jokes in Hindi English |
Funny Jokes in Hindi English
1 machhar tufan me tha,
raste me 1 bada ped mila,
usse lipat gaya, jab tufan chala gaya to machar pasina pochte hue bola-agar aaj main nahi hota to ye ped gir hi jata.
👉Ek Pagal- Main is Mental Hospital mein naya hoon,
mujhe paglo ke guru se milna hai.
2nd Pagal- Ssshh...chup...! Aawaz mat karo guruji abhi msg padh rahe hain.
👉Ek cinema hall ka malik Gandhiji ka bada fan tha.
Isliye usne apne cinema hall ka naam rakha- GANDHI JI KI DHOTI.
Ab jab bhi koi nayi film lagti to paper mein ad aati-
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein HULCHUL,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein AAG,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein ANAKONDA,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein KOI MIL GAYA,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein JANNAT,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein HUNGAMA,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein JALVA,
Gandhiji ki dhoti mein 3 IDIOTS.
👉Tongue twister of the day.
"Roti kha ke potti jaunga"
"Potti ja ke roti khaunga."
Repeat it 10 times.
Ek na ek baar to potti khaoge hi khaoge.
👉Ye joke padhoge to haste haste mar jaoge. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Isliye nahi bheja.
I care for you always.
👉Ek kanjus haath mein blade se cut maar raha tha.
WIFE- ye kya kar rahe ho?
KANJUS- dettol ki shishi foot gayi hai..
Aise hi thodi waste hone denge,
la teri bhi ungli kaat du.
👉Ravan ke sar:-10
Ankhein:-20
Nazar:- Sirf ek ladki sita par!!
Aajkal ke ladko ke sar:-1
Ankhein:-2
Nazar:-Har ladki par!!
Ab batao asli raavan kaun ??
👉Ek chuha tha:-
Battmeez saara msg hi kutar gaya nahi to itna kuch likha tha aapki tarif mein ke poocho hi mat.
👉Socho agar SMS receive karne ke paise lagte to..
socho??
kya hua?
nahi pata
Are TUM sab HAMARI wajah se ROAD pe aa jaate.
👉Pappu makes a call from Delhi 2 his wife
Servant picked up the phone.
Pappu: Memsab se baat karao !
Servant: Woh to sahab ke sath kamre mein so rahi hai.
Pappu: Par sahab to main hu.
servant: Ab main kya karu?
Pappu: Maar de dono ko, main hold karta hu..
After killing..
servant: Dead body ka kya karu ?
Pappu: Ghar k piche swimming pool mein phenk kar bhaag ja.
Servant: Par ghar k piche to swimming pool hai hi nahi.
Pappu: Oh sorry, wrong number.
👉This fact, i realized just now, is so true:
"U know what?
Ba ba black sheep, Twinkle twinkle & ABCDEFG all have the same tune!
We were Dumb Kids.........." Lol..
and now don't start singing them to check this..
👉Somewhere Someone is surely made for you.! .
AND God has decided a perfect time to make you meet that person. .
Till then, . Enjoy your own "Settings"..
👉A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit.
As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I am."
"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"
👉The Fast and Furious Childhood Moment..
When Guests Go Out Of The House..
& U run Like A 'ROCKET'
To Eat The Things That was Served 4 Dem.
👉Jobs in Punjab State Electricity Board.
Qualification: +2
Salary: Rs 20k
Work: Clean the electric wires with wet cloth.
👉Foreigner went 2 temple & saw ppl puting coin in box & praying
Foreigner: wow! How amazing Ppl are talking 2 God through coin phone without receiver!
Incredible India
👉MOSQUITO: Mom, i am going to movie.
MOM: Take care, there people clap & you may die.
MOSQUITO: No mom i am going 2 THE DIRTY PICTURE no claps..
All the hands will be busy.
👉When you feel lonely and think that nobody loves you,
nobody remembers you, nobody cares you.
Then sit in the corner, close your eyes and say 3 magical words
SAB KUTTE HAIN..
👉DEDICATED only TO U:
Touch your heart, U'll feel D Rythm of your Heartbeat..
Touch your head & U'll feel D Rhythm of an Empty pot Tin..Tin..Tidin
👉Honest Sister.
A little Smal Girl seen his bro girlfriend and Ask innocently..
Everyday you here to meet my brother, u dont have your own brother. . . ?
👉The Awesome moment
When you are telling A Joke but can't finish it
Because Your laughing too hard
Then friend says :
Dekh Pehle hans le ya bol le.
👉True Love Story:
Dog & mosquito were in Luv.
Mosquito kissed the dog,
Dog became emotional gave a Luv bite,
Mosquito died by rabies. Dog died by dengu.
Moral: Intercast luv is dangerous.
👉A lady calls man for repairing door bell.
Man doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again.
Man replies, “I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
👉What is kiss?
Ans: In Maths= Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
In Physics = It is a process of charging human body.
In Computer = Kiss is local area network in which 2 bodies conneted without any data cable.
In Economics = Kiss is a process in which demand is always higher than supply.
👉Do you know the similarity between a rainbow and the Indian police ?
Well, both appear after the storm has abated.
👉What's the difference between Bono and Mick Jagger?
Bono is trying to throw his arms around the world and Mick Jagger is trying to throw his legs around the world.
👉It dosen't matter whether it's 10.10.10, 11.11.11 or 12.12.12..
Nothing can beat 36.24.36..
Think Hatke..
👉'End-of-D-World ' which was scheduled on 2012 Dec has been postponed to 3012 due 2 technical problems!
Plz co-operate & continue with Life.
👉Dear Americans,
Whenever some of you feel disturbed, depressed and lonely;
please don't use your bullets to kill little
children.
Please come over to India, we have enough rapists, sadists and molesters to be killed.
And we have no guns and guts to kill them!!
👉HOW TO KILL A LION
--------------- ---------
Manmohan Singh Method:
The lion roars.
Stay mute.
The lion roars louder. Stay mute.
Let this happen for infinite times.
Lion dies of frustration.
Theek hai?
Akbaruddin Owaisi Method:
The lion roars.
Brag that you're such a human who can knock him down in 5 secs if the cage is removed.
Lion dies of excessive laughter causing multiple organ failure.
Mohan Bhagwat Method:
The lion roars.
Tell him that lions only roar in jungles, but not in jungles.
Ask him to get out of jungle and come to jungle and to learn sanskar.
The lion dies of confusion.
Asaram Bapu Method:
The lion roars.
Tell him 'Hello bhaiya'.
The lion dies of unbearable humiliation and degradation of his species.
👉Earthquake Of 10.8 r Scale Has Hit South America..!!
Tsunami Of 200mt Recorded In Japan..!!
Volcanic Eruptions In Europe & America..!!
Thats What I'm Seeing In The Movie 2012..!!
👉21-12-2012. If you think that today is the last day of the world,
give me your cash, property and all other assets as you wont be requiring them anyhow.
👉Dear Hurricanes Earthquakes, Tsunamis and Floods.
It isn't 21st December yet, right?
Please buy a calendar.
Sincerely, Humans.
👉1999 Kids : I want my bed near Window to see the moon & stars.
2014 Kids : I want my bed near the mobile charging slot..
👉The most 'Sharmnaak' thing these days is usually to say...
that, "I'm not upon WhatsApp".
👉A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl!
He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report "LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM DOG"
Man says i'm not American
Report changed "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"
Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News: "Terrorist killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"
👉As soon as your phone battery is at 1%
and you also are running towards the phone charger like-.
"Mere saath reh bhaai..
aankhein band mat karna..
tujhe main kuch nhi hone dunga! ".
👉When i asked myself how to handle life?
My room gave me the right answer -
Roof explained: Aim high
Fan Stated: Be awesome
Clock explained: Value time
Calendar explained: Be informed
Wallet explained: Save today for long term
Mirror explained: observe yourself
Wall explained: Share other peoples load
Windows said: Expand the perspective
Floor explained: Always be as a result of earth..
I then looked @ my own bed
In addition to he explained: chaddar taan ke soja....
sab moh maya hai..
👉At a traffic signal in India
Green- Go
Yellow-Go faster
Red-Look around for the cop and then go faster.
👉Many many happy returns of D day!!
U thought dat I wud have 4gtten dis but i remember
Today World Mental's day
U Naughty,
where's d party?
👉"SUNDAY" ka kaam!
S- Sote Raho.
U- Utho mat.
N- Nahao mat.
D- Din mein TV dekho.
A- Araam karo
Y- Ya fir humein sms karo!
"HAPPY SUNDAY"!
So Enjoy it.
👉Mumbai to Delhi = 1400km
Delhi to Mumbai = 1400km
Ground Floor to 15th Floor =15 floors...
15th Floor to Ground Floor =15 floors.
Monday to "SUNDAY" = 7 days
"SUNDAY" to Monday = "1 day"
This is cheating !!
Cheating Cheating
Cheating...
👉"Smiling is the best medicine..
But . if you're smiling without any reason,
you need medicine.
👉Dream makes everything possible,
Hope makes everything work,
Love makes everything beautiful,
Smile makes all the above..
So always Brush your Teeth.
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