Top Husband Wife Hindi Jokes in English Language

 

husband wife hindi jokes

Husband Wife Hindi Jokes in English

27 June all world is celebrating International Husband Day.
Date itself explain why this date is selected.
"Satai Joon"

👉Suhagraat ko dulha dulhan se- tum itni sunder ho main tumhe kya kahu?
Bahar khada uska baap bola- Beta ek baar MAA keh de baaki main dekh lunga.

👉Old couple went to Delhi. 

Man got into sexy mood and said- jaanu, room mein chale ya qutub minar dekhne ? 

Wife- Room mein hi chalo, qutub minar to kal bhi khada rahega..

👉Wife- Bus karo raat ke 12 baje se kar raho ho aur kitna karoge.

Husband- Abhi to kuch bhi nahi kiya hai, ab to din raat karunga kyoki mere msg free hain.

👉Husband ne apni biwi ko shaadi ki raat hi katal kar diya.

kyon ??

Biwi ki underwear pe ye likha hua tha-

100% soft and silky tested by ROOP CHAND & SONS Mumbai.

👉Biwi apne sharabi pati ko sudharne ke liye kaale kapde pahen kar ghar ke bahar khadi hui.

Pati: Tum Kaun ?

Biwi: Churrel

Pati: Haath mila main teri behan ka pati.

👉Husband: Raja Dashrath ki 3 Raniya thi.

Wife-Toh?

Husband: main 2 Shadiya aur kar sakta hu!

Wife- Soch lo, Dropdi ke 5 Pati the.

Husband: Tum bhi na, Baat ko Dil pe le leti ho.

👉Wife (taare dekhte hue)-Batao wo kaun si Cheez hai jo tum Roz Dekh Sakte ho par Tod nahi sakte?

Husband-Main nahi bataunga

Wife-Bolo na plz

Husband-Tera Muh.

👉Wife ko yakeen tha ke pati aur Noukrani ka relation hai,

pakadne ke liye plan banaya

aur naukrani ko chupke se chutti pe bhej diya,

raat ko pati ka pet dard hua aur wo toilet gaya, wife noukrani ke bed pe jaa ke so gayi,

aur light off kar di

room mein kaam shuru ho gaya

kaam karne ke baad

wife boli: tum mujhe yaha dekh ke chakit hoge

& light on kar di

Watchman bola: sorry Madam

Moral: jo zyada smart banta hai, uske saath aise hi hota hai..!!

👉Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain? Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain aur wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai...

👉WIFE drinking WHISKEY, asked "TUM kaun ho?

Husband- Pagal ho gayi ho kya, Apne husband ko bhool gayi? 

WIFE: Nasha har gum ko bhula deta hai "Bhaisahab".

👉Ek aadmi ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya. 

Husband: ye 3 mahine mein beta kaise ho gaya. 

Wife: aapki shadi ko kitne mahine hue. 

Husband: 3 

Wife: aur meri shaadi ko 

Husband: 3 

Wife: aur beta kitne mahine baad hua. 

Husband: 3 

Wife: total kitne hue. 

Husband: haan Yaar vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye Time ka pata hi nahi chala.

👉Ek Aadmi apne Marriage Certificate ko ek ghante se dekh raha tha.

Biwi boli: aap itni der se kya dekh rahe ho?

Aadmi: Expiry Date dekh raha hu..

👉Wife: "tum GOA ja rahe ho to mujhe apne sath kyu nahi le jaate?

Husband: Are pagli, koi restaurant jata hai to Tiffin saath le jata hai kya?

👉WIFE:" JANU, Aaj Tumhari Girlfriend Night Stay Karne Aaa Rahi hai!

Maine Fridge mein Beer & fresh Fruit Salad banake rakha hai,

Room freshner side table par hai,

Nahanay Ka Soap with lime fragrance or towel Bhi rakha hai,

Main baccho ko Leker Mummy Ke yaha Jaa Rahi Hoon, 

Kal Sham Tak Aajaungi,

Program Mein Koi Change Ho To inform Kar Dena,

mein Wahin aur Ruk JaunGi.

Isko kehte hai..

EK HUSBAND ke haseen sapne.

👉Wife: Har Haftay Tum Fishing Ke Liye Jate Ho Naa.?

Husband: Haan, Haan. Toh.?

Wife: Haramzade Aaj Woh Machhli Aayi Thi,

Keh Rahi Thi Ki Woh Maa Banne Wali Hai....

👉Husband :- " Kamar Mein Bahut Dard Hai..

Baaju Ke Ghar Se IODEX Le Aao..

Wife :- "Wo Nahi Denge...

Husband :- "Kitne Kanjoos Hain Saale,

Jaane Do, Apna Hi Nikal Lo,

Almaari Mein Rakha Hai.

👉Husband & Wife dono market gaye to Ek Ladki ne HELLO kiya....

Wife: " kaun thi wo ??.......

Husband: " Tum plz dimag kharab mat karo,....

abhi usko bhi batana hai ki tum kaun ho ??

👉Wife said during Karwachouth : chota mota hi sahi, par gold ka kuch la do.......

Husband

: "Ye le Choti gold flake"

👉Wife kidnap hui aur kidnap karne walon ne uske Husband ko call kiya:-

"Agar aaj raat tak paise na diye toh tumhari Wife ka murder kar denge"

Husband khamosh raha.........

Agle din phir phone aya" Agar aaj raat tak paise na diye toh tumhari Wife ko wapas chhor jayenge!"

Husband:- "Paise bol paise kaminey, 

darata kyun hai ?"

👉Wife: Aapki Blue Shirt Mujh Se Jal Gayi.!!

Husband: Mere Paas Waisi Ek Aur Shirt Hai.!!

Wife: Pata Hai, Maine Usme Se Kapda Kaat Ke Pehle Wali Mein Laga Diya Hai.!!

👉Wife: Imagine karo 

agar main aapki har baat samjhu aur har baat maanu toh.?

Husband hasta hai,

Bahut hasta hai...

Haste haste zameen par gir jata hai aur

khushi se chilla ke kehta hai -

" Saala imagine bhi nahi kar paa Raha hu ".

👉Husband - Cricket wala channel lagao..

Wife - Nahi lagaungi..

Husband - Dekh lunga..

Wife - Kya dekhloge..??

Husband - Yahi channel.. jo tum dekh rahi ho..

👉Village mein 1 lady thi..

Us lady ko letter likhna tha apne husband ko, Par wo janti nhi thi ke full stop kaha lagana hai..

Isliye jaha mann wahi laga deti thi..

Toh Letter kuch aisa hua:-

mere pyare

mera pranam apke charno mein. Apne abhi tak chithi nai likhi meri saheli ko. nokri mil gayi hai hamari gaai ko. Bachda diya hai dadaji ne. Sharab ki lat laga li hai maine. tumko bhaut khat likhe par tum nahi aye kutte ke bache. Bhedia kha gaya 2 mahine ka rashan. Chuti par aate samay le aana ek khubsurat aurat. Meri saheli ban gai hai. Aur is samay tv pe gana ga rai hai hamari bakri. Bech di gayi hai tumhari maa. Tumko bahut yaad kar rhi hai ek padosan. Humein tang karti hai tumhari Dasi. Gud night.