Husband Wife Jokes in English Language For Whatsapp

Husband wife jokes in english

 

Husband Wife Jokes in English Language For Whatsapp

👉Somebody from a bank called my wife..
Hello madam, 
we are offering credit card
My wife...
No thanks, 
I have a husband.

👉WIFE: What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?
Husband: No...
Wife- Why not?
Don't you like being married?
Husband: of course i do.
Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Husband: ok, ok, i'd get married again...
Wife: Would you live in our house with your new Wife...?
Husband: Yes, it's a great house.
Wife: Would you let her drive my car ?
Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear.
Wife: Would you give her my jewelry?
Husband: No..
I am sure she would want her own..
Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband: No, her size is '5'
Wife: --silence-
Husband: 'shiiit'...!!!

👉Wife: Can You Help Me In Garden.. ??
Husband: What Do You Think, I'm Gardener.. ??
Wife: Can You Fix Door Handle.. ??
Husband: What Do You Think, I'm A Carpenter?
In The Evening When Husband Came From The Work He Saw
Everything Has Been Fixed..!!
He Asked: Who Fixed This?
Wife: Our Neighbour But He Gave Me 2 Options..!!
Either I Should Give Him Burger Or A Kiss..!!
Husband: I'm Sure You Must Have Given A Burger..
Wife: What Do You Think, I'm Mc'Donalds?

👉A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
Husband - We went 2 Shimla for our Honeymoon, While Horse riding.
My Wife's Horse jumped & my wife fell down,
she got up, patted the
Horse's back & said "Dis is your 1st time"
After a while, it happened again. She said "dis is your 2nd time" &
When it happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun & shot the horse.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed the horse.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st time". &
Since then we are very happy.

Husband Wife Funny Jokes in English

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.

👉Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? 
It means "Without Information, 
Fighting Everytime!" 
WIFE replied: No darling, it means "With Idiot For Ever!"

👉Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi,what r u doing Darling?" 
Wife: I'm dying..! 
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?" 
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.." 
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

👉Newly married Husband
saves his wife's number on mobile as
"MY LIFE"
After 1year:
"MY WIFE"
2 years:
"HOME"
3 Years:
"HITLER"
& after 5 years:
WRONG NUMBER...?

👉Funny quote on husband's T-Shirt.. 
all girls are devils, 
but my wife is queen...! 
of them....!

👉A Husband's Version :
My Wife Is Like "Terms & Conditions" Of A Website,
I Never Understand what She Says
But
I Always Accept..!!

👉Please note very carefully .
If you're experiencing the subsequent symptoms
1. Headache
2. Body ache
3. Poor eyesight
4. Difficulty in breathing
5. heat
6. Always out of mind
7. Difficulty in sleeping
8. Most of the time in shock
9. Feeling dizzy
This isn't CORONA VIRUS !
These are symptoms of..
 Married life !!

👉An Investment Banker Was Getting Married.
During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: "What Happened?"
Wife: "Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment."
Husband:"U cheated me.."
Wife: "U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!"

Husband Wife Funny Jokes in English Language

Swamiji,  I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... 
I have doubt on one woman.... what to do?
Take your husband to that woman's doorstep...
and see if his WiFi connects automatically. .
Can't beat this one, all you guys beware. 
Technology can be dangerous for ones health!...

👉Husband was shocked to read Wife's Old school Report card..
The comment written on Report Card…
Very obedient and Soft Spoken student !!!

👉A woman is driving 1st time on the highway.
Her husband calls & says: "Be careful love,
It's just been on the radio, 
that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.."
She replies: "Someone..? These rascals are in hundreds.!!!

👉What's Checkmate?
Man tells his Wife : "I Saw A Lady Who Looked Exactly Like You."
Wife asks : "Was She Hot?"
He cant say NO.
He cant say YES.
That's CHECKMATE !

👉Dharam Bhai Means - Not Real Brother..
Dharam Pita Means - Not Real Father..
Dharm Behn Means - Not Real Sister..
Then Why Dharm Patni Means - Real Wife..
JAGO JAGO !!!