Rahe Salaamat Zindagi Unki

Rahe Salaamat zindagi unki jo meri khusi ki fariyaad karte hain,

A khuda unki zindagi khusiyo se bharde,

jo mujhe yaad karne mein apna ek pal barbad karte hain.

Happy New Year 2013

Happy New Year 2013

In The Universal Bank of God, God stores his blessings & deposited 365 days full of love, faith & happiness for you. So, Enjoy spending.

Wish U A Happy New Year 2013

Punishment For Rape

Punishment for Rape:

1) UAE- Instant Death Penaltywithin 7 days hanging

2) Iran- Instant Stoned to death/hanging with 24 hrs

3) Afghanistan - Instant death by bullet on head within 4 days

4) China - No Trial, Medical proved rape then Death Penalty

5) Malaysia - Death Penalty

6) Mangolia - Death as revenge by family

7) Iraq - Death by stone till last breath

8)Taliban - Limbs/ Legs/ Balls All Cut Off,&then stoned&then shot

9) Poland - Death thrown to Pigs

10) INDIA -.............. ­............... ­.............!
.
.
4 times gov food daily & 24*7 police security
for 7-14 years..!!! funny but fact.

Boy in Computer Exam

Boy in computer exam;

Examiner: What is Microsoft Excel ??
.
.
Boy: It is a new branch of Surf Excel to clean the computer.

Mahatma Gandhi Once Said


Mahatma Gandhi once said,"The day a woman can walk freely on the roads at night, that day we can say that India has achieved Independence". When countrymen don't protect their women, that country will never come up. The term Super Power is not in military strength.. it is about how we treat, respect each other.

Damini, May your soul rest in peace and we keep you in our prayers.

Pak Team To Irfan

Pak team to Irfan :
"Kameene tere wajah se match haare hain.

Irfan : " mera kya kasoor? maine to 4
over mein 20 hi run diye the.

Pak team : Haramkhor jab sher so raha tha to use jagana nai chahiye, tune hi yuvi ki tang pe ball maari thi

Irfan : sorry

Sidhu To Ramiz Raza

Sidhu's epic Hindi commentary today. 14 required of 2 balls.

Ramiz Raja: agar 1 ya 2 no ball ho jaaye aur fir six lag jaaye to Pakistan jeet jaayegi.

Sidhu: ye whi baat hui ki agar meri chachi ki munchhey hoti to main use chacha kehta..

A Sad Love Story

A SAD Love Story: Must - Read There Were Two Lovers Who Decided To End Their Relationship.

After Many Years When The Boy Got Married, Her Ex G.F Approached Him & Said: "How Dare You Use My Favorite Color As The Theme Of Your Wedding..! How Dare You Use My Favorite Flowers As Your Decoration! How Dare You SetThe Date I Proposed You As Your Wedding Day... & How Dare You Use Our Song For The Ceremony ??

The Boy Cried & Said: "Because This Is The Only Way I Could Pretend To My Heart That I'm Getting Married To YOU.!!"

Most Awaited Bollywood Movies in 2013


Which Bollywood Film is your most awaited among 2013 releases ?

1-Dhoom 3 ( Aamir, Katrina )

2-Murder 3 ( Randeep, Aditi )

3-Bullet Raja ( Saif, Sonakshi)

4-Krrish 3 ( Hrithik, Priyanka)

5-Lootera ( Ranveer, Sonakshi )

6-Ragini MMS 2 ( Sunny Leone )

7-Ram Leela ( Ranveer, Deepika )

8-Sher Khan ( Salman )

9-Phata Poster Nikla Hero ( Shahid, Ileana )

10-Gunday ( Ranveer, Arjun, Priyanka )

11-Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola ( Imran, Anushka )

12-Once Upon A Time Again ( Akshay, Imran, Sonakshi )

13-Shootout at Wadala ( John, Kangna )

14-Namak ( Shahid, Sonakshi)

15-Bombay Velvet ( Ranbir, Anushka )

16-Ek Thi Dayan ( Emraan, Kankona, Kalki )

17-P.K ( Aamir, Anushka )

18-Special Chabbis ( Akshay, Kajal )

19-Milan Talkies ( Imran, Priyanka )

20-Zanjeer ( Ram Charan, Priyanka, Sanjay )

21-Ghanchakkar ( Emraan, Vidya )

22-Chennai Express ( Shah Rukh, Deepika )

23-Happy New Year ( Shah Rukh )

24-Satyagraha ( Ajay, Big B, Kareena )

25-Bhaag Milkha Bhaag ( Farhan, Sonam )

26-Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani ( Ranbir, Deepika )

27-Race 2 ( Saif, John, Deepika, Jacqueline )

28-Naam Hai Boss ( Akshay )

29-Himmatwala ( Ajay, Tamanna )

30-Siddharth Anand Next ( Hrithik, Katrina )

AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS

Son To Father

Son: Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl

Father: "That's great son. Who is she?

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter"

Father: "Oh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.

Sandra is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later,

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great son, Who is she?"

Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter,

Father:"Oh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I
can't date any of them because dad is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want.

Dont listen to him He isn't your father."
Son Fainted...!!!

Media To Shoaib Malik

Pakistan cricketers who dont know English,
prepare answers, after match for media asking.

One day after a match with Shoaib malik...

Media :"So Malik, thats fantastic, your wife sania is pregnant."
Malik:"Ya all credit goes to my team. Everyone worked hard for it, specially Afridi.
It was a tight situation when he went in. His performance was really fantastic with Razak in the middle. Also the crowd gathered to watch his work, our coach also have enjoyed it, they work hard day & night all credit goes to my coach & my teammates & special thanks to sania who supported me 4 this job "
Media speechless..

Couple Silent in Bed

Couple silent in bed...
Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me?
Is he thinking of another woman?
Is he seeing someone?
Don't I appeal to him anymore?
Are wrinkles showing on my face?
Is he trying to dump me?
Is he now finding me ugly?
Have I put on weight at the wrong places?
Is he upset with my nagging?
WHY IS HE UPSET?

Husband thinks :
.
.
Dhoni ne last over Jadeja ko kyu diya.

Shaheed Udham Singh Birthday

A Very happy birthday to the legendary Shaheed Udham Singh....

Keep sharing this post..

TOILET aur CRICKET GROUND

TOILET aur CRICKET GROUND Mein Ek Hi Samaanta Hai

Guess What?
Socho.?
Nahi Pata?

Are Dono Jagah "DHONI" hai.

25 ULTIMATE TIPS FOR BETTER LIFE

25 ULTIMATE TIPS FOR BETTER LIFE!!!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate anti depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out chargecard.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything !

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12.You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Help the needy, Be generous ! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed, Pray to God and Be thankful for what you'll accomplish, today !

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. Fwd this to everyone on your list to help them lead a happier life..

Chhote Sahibzade

Ajj Oh Din hai jis din DHAN DHAN SAHIB SHRI GURU GOBIND SINGH JI DE SATKAAR JOG MATA GUJAR KAUR JI nd SATKAAR JOG CHOTTE SAHIBZADE BABA JORAVAR SINGH nd BABA FATEH SINGH jina nu ajj pehle din thande burj vich kaid kitta C.

Dhan c Oh Nikke Nikke Komal Hirde Jihna ne Eni
Thand Vich Thande Buraj Vich Reh k Sikhi
Sidak Nhi Hareya ......te Apne Wal Jhati Maar k Dekhiye k kithe k khde hn Apa...

Ki bhora v Nikke Nikke
Sahizadeya di Sheedi nu Yaad kr k Aah Pei Rhi Thand Nu Mehsoos krde hoye kyu nhi Sikhi Sroop nal jurde.....

Ki Apa Nu Dukh Nhi Lagda???

Ja Fer Saade Lyi Kes Katal Kr K Rambo Romio banna Jruri aa??

MERRY CHRISTMAS

May all d Sweet Magic of Christmas Conspire to Gladden your HEARTS
and Full Fill your every DESIRE......

MERRY CHRISTMAS

When Sachin, Ponting and Lara

When Sachin, Ponting and Lara sit together for a cup of coffee,

That would be like The Avengers Movie for Cricketing world.

Can't Protest Online

Can't protest online (Sec. 66A) .....
.
Can't protest offline (Section 144)......
.
and then they said:
.
Welcome to India: The World's Largest Democracy.

I See Myself when i See Sachin

"I c myself when i c Sachin batting.- Don Bradman(AUS)

"I want my son to become Sachin Tendulkar." -Brian Lara(WI)

''V did not lose 2 a team called India,
v lost 2 a man called Sachin'' - Mark Taylor(aus)

'Nothing bad can happen 2 us if v were on a plane in India wid Sachin Tendulkar on it.''-Hashim Amla(SA)

''He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also. -Waqar Younis (Pak)

''There r 2 kind of batsman in the world.
1 Sachin Tendulkar and 2. all the others .
-Andy Flower(ZIM)

"I have seen God. He bats at no.4 for India in tests. -Matthew Hayden (AUS.)

"Do your crime when Sachin is batting,
bcos even God is busy
watching his batting. -Australian Fan

GOD'S LAST BIG SHOT: An upper cut for six in the Asia Cup game between India and Pakistan at Mirpur, March 18, 2012. India won that game.
So, Sachin Tendulkar leaves the ODI stage on a winning note.
Go well, Mr. India! We'll miss you very, very much.

I Heared Many ppl Saying

I heared many ppl saying that women are being raped because they wear inappropriate
dresses!!

Dear asshole, if that is the reason then, women are not supposed to be raped in winter.

They're fully dressed..!
No matter what a girl wear Those animals with human faces will
always act in human..

All they deserve is cruel severe punishment.. !

End of an Era

End of an Era...

Henceforth Cricket will be defined as:

- Before Sachin (BS)
- After Sachin (AS)

We Live in a Country

We live in a country where Terrorists are safer than our Women.

Govt. is ready to spend millions on kasaab and afzal guru's security,
but not a single rupee on their own citizens...
Shame ....

Earthquake of 10.8 r Scale

Earthquake Of 10.8 r Scale Has Hit South America..!!
.
Tsunami Of 200mt Recorded In Japan..!!
.
Volcanic Eruptions In Europe & America..!!
.
.
Thats What I'm Seeing In The Movie 2012..!!

21. 12. 2012

21-12-2012. If you think that today is the last day of the world,

give me your cash, property and all other assets as you wont be requiring them anyhow.

Shahidi Diwas Baba Ajit and Jujhar Singh

Ajj "Dasmesh pita" de 2 vade laal "Sahibjada
Baba Ajit Singh ji" te"sahibjada Baba jujaar
Singh ji" ....... Da shahidi diwas hai.....

Congress Sarkaar

congress sarkar....

New trend of shadi in Manmohan's govt..
Introducing 8th faira...
.
.
Vadhu Var se...
Mai vachan deti hu ki 6 cylinder mein ghar chalaungi.

Dear Americans

Dear Americans,

Whenever some of you feel disturbed, depressed and lonely;

please don't use your bullets to kill little
children.

Please come over to India, we have enough rapists, sadists and molesters to be killed.

And we have no guns and guts to kill them!!

When We Were Born

When we were born...,
A woman was there to hold us : A Mother...

we grew as a child....,
A woman was there to care for us and play with us : A Sister...

we went to school...,
A woman was there to help us learn : A Teacher...

we became depressed
whenever we lost....,
A woman was there to offer a shoulder : A lover...

A great woman was there for us : A Wife...

A woman was there to melt us : A Daughter...

A woman is here to absorb inn : A MOTHERLAND
Respect woman..

Everyone is Talking About Gang Rape

Everyone is talking about gang rape and
punishment for those bastards because it
came out publicly.... But what about those
guys who date girls have physical pleasure
and then leave girls for another girl....
Isn't this a rape....
Silent rape....
A girl cannot even share this to anyone else....
Give it a thought....
And please stop!!!

Mother To Son

A Heart Touching Story.. Must read

Mother: Son I'm sorry.... I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father.

Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?

Mother: I 'm sorry he was my first love and I could'nt marry him.. 'cause we were of different religions. He's on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever.

Son: No I 'm speaking to no one. Mr. Walia is the only father I know and that's that!!

Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him.

Son: Ok, I'll give him a piece of my mind!

Phone: Morning Son, I am Mukesh Ambani. I'm your real father.

Son: Maa ki Aaaannkkhhh...
Dad! Dad! Dad!!!
Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!!
Luv u so much Dad!!!!
I always knew there was something special about me..
Thank you soooo much Mum. You are the best mum in the world!

Moral:
Na Biwi Na Bachha
Na Baap Bada Na Bhaiya,
The whole thing is that Bhaiya,
Sabse Bada Rupppaiyaaaa..!

Upcoming Plans

Upcoming plans -

20 December - last night of the world PARTY
21 December - last day of the world PARTY
22 December - we are still alive PARTY
23 December - HANGOVER
24 December - Christmas eve PARTY
25 December Christmas day PARTY
26 and 27 December - HANGOVER
28 December - last Friday of the year PARTY
29 December - last Saturday of the year PARTY
30 December - last Sunday of the year PARTY
31 December - new year eve PARTY
1 Jan - new year PARTY

Dear Deepika

Dear Deepika..

U went to Yuvraj, his form dropped.

U went to Ranbir, his movie flopped.

U went to Mallyas, their airline stopped.

Plz join Congress.. & Save India.

What is Indian Politics?

Child: What is Indian Politics?

Father: I run the home so I am government,
Your Mom is Opposition,
Our Maid is Working Class,
We all look after You,
So you are People
&
Your Younger Brother is Future,
This is Indian Politics.

At Night Boy Heard his Brother Crying as his Nappy was Dirty.

Boy went to Mother, She was Sleeping,
Then he went to Maid's Room,
Where he Saw his Father Having fun With Her Maid.
He Went Back to Sleep, Next Day Boy to Father:
Now I Understand Indian Politics clearly,
Government is F**king Working Class
&
Opposition is Sleeping,
People are Ignored
&
Future is in Deep Shit.

Bipasha Adopted a Child

Bipasha Basu Ne Ek Baar Ek Bachhe Ko Adopt Kiya Aur Apne Ghar Le Aayi,

Raat Ko Bachhe Ko Bahut Tez Bhookh Lagti Hai,

Bachha: “ Mummy Mummy, Tez Bhookh Lagi Hai, Dhoodh Pilado ”

Bipasha Basu: “ Arey, Tum Ab Bade Ho Gaye Ho, Ab Tumhe Khana Khaana Chahiye ”

Bachha: “ Chalo, Doodh Mat Pilana, Lekin Dikha Toh Do, Please…. “

The Awkward Moment in RAAZ3

The Awkward moment in RAAZ3,

when Bipasha removes her top in front of Emraan and tells him, "Meri aankhon mein dekho."

xx
Ab yeh kaisa mazak hai...

International Beer Conference

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him.

The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer inthe world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.

The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, "Hey Vijay, how come you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I"
*******

Humble Request

HUMBLE REQUEST..

He has served us Beer when we were Sad & Happy..

Now he needs our help..
Please save Vijay Mallya..

Pls ADOPT at least ONE Kingfisher Air hostess..

Great Confusion

The boss calls his secretary & says:"Get ready for d weekend, We are going on a business trip."

The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so take care of yourself"

The husband calls his mistress & says: "My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun"

The mistress calls the boy to whom she gives
tuition: "No tuition this weekend."

The boy calls his grand father:"Grandpa at last
we can spend this weekend together."

Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary & says: "Business trip is canceled. I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson"

The secretary calls husband:"I won'tbe going"

The husband calls his mistress: "I am sorry My wife is not going"

The mistress calls boy: "You have tuition"

Boy calls his grandpa & says: "Sorry grandpa I've classes"

The grandpa calls secretary &....

Employee To Organization

A Private Employee Was Rewarded A Bicycle By His Organisation.
It Was So Beautiful But Didnt 've A Carrier at The Back,
He Requested 2 Get It Fixed.
When The Cycle Came
Back With The Carrier Fitted,
He Noted That
Now The ...Stand Isnt There.
He Asked About The Missing Stand.
Organisation: Private Naukri Mein 1 Cheez Hi Possible Hai.
CAREER Ya STAND.
Agar STAND Loge To CAREER Khatam Aur Agar CAREER Banana Hai To STAND Kabhi Mat Lena.

Vidya Balan Dirty Picture

Breaking News:
Vidya Balan's bra to be nominated for best supporting character in the movie "Dirty Picture"!

Vidya Balan Get Married

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married.

After marriage, lots of students gather at their home .....why??

because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)

Vidya Balan Dirty Picture Joke

Teacher to Boy: Kal absent kyon the tum?

Boy: Ma'am, aapke kehne par main ' The Dirty Picture ' dekhne gaya tha.

Teacher : Kya? Maine aisa kab kaha tha?

Boy : Ma'am, aap hi ne toh kaha tha, VIDYA mein mann lagaao..

Facts About Indian Cricket Team

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Indian Innings.

Where do Indian batsmen perform there best?
In Advertisements.

What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.

What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
3 runs in 3 balls.

Captain of India Says To Umpire

The captain of the Indian team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking?”

The Umpire immediately says, "No."

The captain says, "Well in that case, we think you're an asshole."

Why India Lost The Match?

"Why you lost to England?"

Dhoni: How many time we will win? let other to win too! Waise bhi mere ko hotel jani ki Jaldi rahti hai.....

Sachin: Because we tied the world match, so here we need to lose na!...

Dravid: Why i shall speak? i had made 2 centuries.......

Laxman: This team is not the Australian team so we lost.....

Tendular Say After India-England Match

Q. What did Tedulkar say after the India-England match?
A. Shaken but not stirred ....

Q. What did Tendulkar say after the India-Pakistan match?
A. Massacred but not killed....we're not worried.

Similarity Between a Rainbow and The Indian Police

Do you know the similarity between a rainbow and the Indian police ?

Well, both appear after the storm has abated.

Joke on Indian Police

Ek Baar America, Japan Aur India Ke Police Officers Mein Behas Ho Gayi, Ki Kon Sabse Badiya Hai !!!

Akhir Ye Faisla Hua Ki Competition Rakha Jaye. To Competition Mein Ek Sher Ko Jungle Main Chorr Diya,

America Police Ne 10 Ghante Ke Andar Sher Ko Pakad Liya.

Sher Ko Phir Jungle Main Choda Gaya Aur Japan Police Ko Pakadne Ke Liye Bheja.

Japan Ki Police Ne 5 Ghante Main Sher Ko Pakad Liya.

Indian Police 2 Din Tak Laut Ke Nahi Aayi.

To Sabhi Officers Unko Dhundne Ke Liye Jungle Main Gaye. Jungle Mein Dekhte Hain Ki Indian Police Ek Gidad Ko Ulta Latka Kar Maar Rahi Thi Aur Bol Rahi Thi: “ Kabool Kar saale, Ke tu Hi Sher Hai "

What's The Difference Between Bono and Mick Jagger?

What's the difference between Bono and Mick Jagger?

Bono is trying to throw his arms around the world and Mick Jagger is trying to throw his legs around the world.

It Doesn't Matter

It dosen't matter whether it's 10.10.10, 11.11.11 or 12.12.12 .....
.
.
Nothing can beat 36.24.36..

Think Hatke..

End of The World

'End-of-D-World ­' which was scheduled on 2012 Dec has been postponed to 3012 due 2 technical problems!

Plz co-operate & continue with Life.

Facts About Rajinikanth

If any Superstar Rajnikanth fans are reading this, Please don’t take it seriously. Just read and enjoy!!! Here is the ever expanding set of Unlimited Maximum Rajnikanth Facts:-
1. Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.
2. When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.
3. There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.
4. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.
5. Rajinikanth can divide by zero.
6. Rajinikanth can judge a book by it’s cover.
7. Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
8. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
9. Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.
10. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
11. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
12. Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
13. Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
14. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.
15. Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.
16. Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
17. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
18. Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
19. Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 minutes in 20 minutes.
20. Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
21. Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.
22. Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.
23. Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.
24. Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.
25. Rajinikanth never wet hisbed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
26. The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking and he got what he deserved.
27. Rajinikanth can talk about Fight Club.
28. Rajinikanth doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
29. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.
30. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
31. Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revengeis a dish best served cold.
32. Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
33. Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
34. Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
35. Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.
36. Rajinikanth can throw the Thackerays out of Mumbai.
37. Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.
38. Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
39. Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.
40. Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.
41. Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.
42. Rajinikanth electrocuted Iron Man.
43. Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.
44. Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.
45. Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in mans laughter.
46. Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.
47. Rajinikanth can handle the truth.
48. Rajinikanth can speak Braille.
49. Rajinikanth can dodge Chuck Norris’ round house kicks.
50. Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.

Himesh Reshamiya Was Way Ahead

Himesh Reshamiya was way ahead of 12-12-12
he gave the world.
.
.
13-13-13 suroor.

Today is 12/12/12

Today is 12/12/12.

Its a unique date of this century and It will never come again.

Hope I am the first to inform you.

Teacher To Student

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New England Patriots fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Pats fans, too.
Not really knowing what being a Pats fan meant, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, the students' hands flew into the air.
There was, however, one exception. Lucas was not going along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Patriots fan" he said.
"Then," asks the teacher,"what are you?"
"I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan," boasts the little boy.
The teacher asks Lucas why he is a Colts fan. "Well, my dad and mom are Colts fans, so I'm a Colts fan, too" he responds.
"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"
Lucas smiles and says,"Then I'd be a New England Patriots fan."

Aisa Nahi Hai ke Jindagi Buri Hai

Aisa nahi hai ke jindagi buri hai,
Par college life ki abat hi kuch aur thi...
Aisa nahi hai ke ab hansi nahi aati,
Par dosto ke sath baith k khilkhilane ki baat hi
kuch aur thi..
.
Aisa nahi hai ke ab tension se raat na gujarti ho,
Par exams ki raato mein jagne wali baat hi kuch aur thi..
Aisa nahi hai k aage aakar kuch hasil na kiya ho,
Par passing marks lakar party udane wali baat hi
kuch aur thi..
.
Aisa nahi hai k jindagi ab kat na rahi ho,
Par dosto ke sath bitaye gaye lamho ki baat hi kuch aur thi.

Why I Hate CID

Why I hate CID...
Example:
LADY: Rahul Mera Bhai Tha
DAYA: Kya? Rahul Tumhara Bhai Tha
LADY: Haan, Rahul Mera Bhai Tha
ABHIJEET: Rahul Sach mein Tumhara Bhai Tha ??
LADY: Haan Sir... Wo Mera Bhai Tha
ACP: My God, Iska Matlab, Tum Rahul Ki Behen Ho ...

Pyar Zindagi Ko Sajane Ke Liye Hai

Pyar Zindagi Ko Sajane Ke Liye Hai,
Zindgi Dard Badhane Ke Liye Hai,
Kash Koi To Padh Pata Meri Udasi Ko,
Ye Hansta Hua Chehra To Sirf Dikhane Ke Liye Hai.

L.K.G. Student To U.K.G. Student

L.k.G. Student :
your Slate is nice dude."
.
.
U.K.G. Student: don't talk nonsense.
This is Samsung Galaxy Note man!!

Husband To Wife

Husband: My love tum itni gulabi kyun lag rahi ho.....?

Wife: when your lovely words touch d bundle branches of the circulation system of my heart, it start beating faster resulting pitutary output to increase blood estrogen level, causing vasodilation and i look pink!

Moral: aur dhundo padhi likhi ladki......!

Teacher To Student

Teacher : Oxygen is very essential to life. It was discovered in 1773
.
.
Student : Thank God!! I was born after 1773. Had I born earlier, I would have died.!!!

Ek Daaku Lady Se

Ek Daaku (Lady Se):
Ye Saare Zevar Mujhe De De?
Lady: Le, Ye Le
Payal Le,
Jhumke Le,
Chudi Le,
Chain Le,
Long Le,
Sab Le Le.
Or
.
.
Aurat ban ja Kutte!!

Funny Love Story

Love Story:
1 ladka 1 ladki ko bahut pyar krta tha, lekin darr ki vajah se kch keh nai paya..
1 din usne decide kiya ki wo us ladki ko msg karke i luv u bolega,
Usne raat mein 'I LUV U' type kar k ladki k no. par send kiya aur so gaya.
Kuch der bad uske mob Par msg ring tone baji par usne decide kiya ki wo msg agli subah naha kar mandir jane k bad padhega aur phir se so gya .
Rat bhar wo us ladki ka sapna dekhta rha..
Jab subah mandir se lauta aur wo msg padha to usme likha tha
.
.
A/C balance is insufficient.
Main bal is Rs. 0.08.
Msg can not be delievered.

Catching Pigs

CATCHING PIGS ......(Must Read & Read Full)
There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class.
One day while the class was in the lab, the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt.
The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime.
In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?"
The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line.
The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn.
"When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used tocoming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. "They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side."The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."
The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in India.
The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/ ­Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.
One should always remember two truths:
There is no such thing as a free lunch and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.
If you see that all of this wonderful government "help"is a problem confronting the future of democracy in India, you might want to send this on to your friends.
If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this.
But, God help us all when the gate slams shut!
Quote for today: "The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living."

We HaD MaNy OPTioNS 4 SuiCiDe

We HaD MaNy OPTioNS 4 SuiCiDe

POISON
HANGING BY NECK
JUMPING FROM A BUILDING
COMING UNDER A TRAIN
BuT
We CHooSe 'ENGINEERINg'
TaDaP TaDaP Ke MareNGe.

Google May B The Most Powerful Search Engine

Google May Be The Most Powerful Search Engine But............ ­
.
Mandir Se Gum Hui Chappal Google ka baap bhi Nahi Dhund sakta !

Na Bag ki Parwah Na Subject Koi Clear Hai

Na bag ki parwah na subject koi clear hai,

Na job ka tension na future ka koi fear hai,

Table pe buks ki jagah kingfisher ki beer hai,

C++ ya java nhi chatting apna career hai,,,

yaha Einstine koi nhi yaha sab shakespear hai,

late night studies ki jagah filmo ke premier hai,

FIR b YARO HUM future ke ENGINEER hain..

Newtons 2nd Law of Ishq

Newtons 2nd law of Ishq

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy
&
the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the bank balance. "

Boyfriend To Girlfriend

BF and GF were sitting in the Park....
BF : Heyyy.... Give me a KISS ♥
GF : NO..... Not before Marriage..
BF: Dont worry Dear.....
GF: Why???
BF: I m Already MARRIED.

Teacher Says to Student

Teacher says to student, In Algebra
A=B
And
B=C.
It means A=C.

Now give relevant example.

Student: Sir, I love U n U love your
daughter, It means that I love your daughter.

Genious People do Their Work

Genious people do their work taking very less time but fools take much time
,
,
such as teacher takes 1 year to deal with 1 subject;

whereas engg student did thinking 1 night before exam ...

we rocks guys !!!

1 Day I asked My Heart

1 day I asked my Heart.
What is Love...??

Heart Replied:-

Dekh bhai, apna kaam blood pump karna hai.....
Syllabus ke bahar ke question mat puch.

The Connection Between Indian Records

The Connection between Indian Records and Ravi Shashtri (as a commentator)
Here are Top most famous and Interesting moments in Indian Cricket When Ravi Shashtri was doing commentary -
1.When Yuvraj Singh Hit Six Sixes in an Over – Ravi Shashtri was commentator
His commentary during 5th and 6th Ball -
5th Ball – Fiveeeeeeeeeeee ­eeee yesssssssssssss ­ could he make it 6 out of six?
on the 6th ball – “Yuvraj must be favourite here, Kingmead on his feat here goes Broad and he has put it away, has he ? yesssssssss into the crowd 6 sixes in an over,Yuvraj Singh finishes things off in style first time this is happened in twenty twenty Cricket” !
2.When India Won the T20 World Cup 2007 -
comments- "In the Airrrrrrrrrr Sreesanth Take sit, India Wins"
3.When Sachin Tendulkar scored his Double hundred in ODI Cricket (Roop Singh Stadium at Gwalior on 24th Feb 2010) Ravi Shashtri was commentator -
his comments – “and he Get sit, First man on the planet to reach the double hundred and it’s the Superman from India Sachin Tendulkar ! OWWWW Take a Bow Master” !!!
4.When India Won the ICC World Cup 2011 -
comments – “Now Dhoni has chance to finishes things off and Dhoniiiiiiiiiii ­i finishes off in Style a magnificent strike into the crowd, India Lift the World Cup after 28 years and the party starts in the dressing room”.

I Agree That Rajnikant Can do Almost Everything

I agree dat Rajnikant can do almost everything but there is one thing he CAN'T do,
.
.
.
...He cant make Engineers Study Before d Last Night.

ONCE IN LIFE TIME FALL IN LOVE

ONCE IN LIFE TIME FALL IN LOVE.....

NOT NECESSARILY WITH A PERSON
BUT
WITH YOUR DREAMS , AMBITION, GOALS.

What's Checkmate

What's Checkmate?

Man tells his Wife : "I Saw A Lady Who Looked Exactly Like You."

Wife asks : "Was She Hot?"
He cant say NO.
He cant say YES.

That's CHECKMATE !

Patient To Doctor

Mareez:- Dr. Sahab Mein bahut khush rehta hoon,
Neend sukoon se aati hai,
Zindagi mein Aman hi Aman hai,
Har kaam main Dil bhi Lagta hai,
Koi pareshani hi nahi.
Aisa kyon hai ??

Doctor: Mein aap ki Bimari samajh gaya hoon.
Aap ki zindagi mein Vitamin "she'' ki kami hai..

FACEBOOK pe CONTINUE Online Rehne ka Matlab

FACEBOOK pe CONTINUE online rehne ka matlab..??
.
.
Kisi Girls Hostel ke saamne kursi lekar baithne jaisa hai..

Patshahi Pehli SHRI GURU NANAK DEV JI

Satguru Nanak Pargateya Mitti dhund jag chanan hoya,

jio ghar suraj nikleya taare chhupe andher paloya,

Patshahi pehli SHRI GURU NANAK DEV JI de parkash purv diyan app sab nu te app g de pariwaran nu lakh lakh mubarkan hon.

China ko Cricket Kyu Nahi khelne Dete

China ko cricket kyu nhi khelne dete??

Kyuki.....

Technical problem hai

Sab ke face 1 jaise hote hain jo out ho jaye woh muh dho ke phir se aa sakta hai.

Joke of The Night

Joke Of The Night

3 kaale dost ja rahe the.
Raste mein unhe ek pari mili,
usne teeno ko 1 - 1 vardaan offer kiya.
1st- mujhe dudh jitna gora bana do.
2nd- mujhe bhi utna hi gora bana do. Wo dono gore ho gaye.
...
.
3rd- hahahaha in saalo ko pehle jaisa kaala bana do...

Teeno fir se kaale ho gaye.
Moral-kuch dost kaminey hi rehte hain.

What is Cleverness?

What is Cleverness?

Dad: I want you 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter.
Son: then Ok.
Dad goes o Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK

That’s Cleverness…!!

Salute Heroes of 26/11

Salute heroes of 26/11.. Those who fought.. Those who lost their lives..
and those who never let the terror creep in and defeated its purpose....

Jai Hind

Ladki ka Baap Ladke Se

Ladki ka baap-Main Nahi chahta ke Meri Beti Apni Puri zindagi 1 kutte ke saath Guzare.
.
.
Boyfriend-Bas Uncle isiliye to Main Use Yaha se le Jane Aaya hu.

Difference Between School and College

Difference Between School & College:
.
.
In School If You Were Late,
You Had To Sit On Back Bench..

But In College If You Were Late,
You Had To Sit On First Bench..
Agree ?

Baba Namdev's Gurupurab

Baba Namdev ji de parkash purab diyan sangtaan nu lakh lakh mubarkaan.

Guru Teg Bahadur's Gurupurab

"Sir jaave ta jaave mera Sikhi sidak na Jaave"

Dhan dhan Shri Guru Teg Bahadur ji de gurupurab diyan sab nu bahut bahut mubarkaan hon.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

Pappu To Servant

Pappu makes a call from Delhi 2 his wife
.
Servant picked up the phone.
Pappu: Memsab se baat karao !
Servant: Woh to sahab ke sath kamre mein so rahi hai.
...
...
Pappu: Par sahab to main hu.
servant: Ab main kya karu?
Pappu: Maar de dono ko, main hold karta hu..
After killing....
servant: Dead body ka kya karu ?
Pappu: Ghar k piche swimming pool mein phenk kar bhaag ja.
Servant: Par ghar k piche to swimming pool hai hi nahi.
.
Pappu: Oh sorry, wrong number.

Ladka To Baap

LAdka lArki k baap se: Main aapki beti ka Hath mangne aya hun
.
Baap : wo q
.
Ladka : q ki mera hath thak geya hai....
.
.
.
loha gis-gis kar kar ke
larka mech engineer tha... kuch bhi mat socho.

EXAM Mein Fail Hone ki Wajah Kya Hai

EXAM mein fail hone ki wajah kya hai ?
.
1 saal ke 365 din hote hain.
.
Roz 8 ghante sone ke Yani pure saal ke 122 din
.
365-122=243
.
aur summer vacation gino 61 din.
243-61=182 din
.
Usme 52 sunday.
.
182-52=130 din.
.
Diwali ; holi etc...Festival ke 40.
.
Collage festival 15 din [40+15=55]
.
130-55=75 din.
.
Khane pine nahane ke 3 ghante ke hisab se 46 din.
.
75-46=29 din.
.
Roj ke 1 ghante dosto ke. Uske 15 din.
.
29-15=14 din.
.
Ab hum 10 din to bimar bhi rahte hain.
.
14-10=4 din bache.
.
T.V dekhne ke 3 din.
.
4-3=1 din bacha Yaar
.
1 saal mein 1 din hi to birthday aata hai.
Ab birthday ke din kon padhe hai yaar.

Must Read

Must Read:-
Ek din ek ladki ne ladke se puchaa
kya tum mera liye jaan de sakte
ho ??

Ladke ne kuch sochte hue kaha.
♥""Tera liye jaan toh de du magar uska kya karu
...
jo roz subha ghar se nikalte hue kehti hai-
beta jaldi aana.
♥ Tera liye jaan toh de du magar uska kya karu jo roz mera intezaar karti hai.
jo mere liye roz dua maangti hai.
♥ jo mere bina khaana nahi khaati.
Main uss maa ka kya karu ♥ ♥
♥ A message to lovers Plz
Share
apne pyaar k liye apni maa ko kabhi maat bhulna.

Lady To Man

A lady calls man for repairing door bell.

Man doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again.

Man replies, “I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

God Seems to Be Planning

God seems to be planning for making a blockbuster this year..
Since he's been gathering thebest with Him..
Cast: Dev Anand, Rajesh Khanna , Shammi Kappor, Dara Singh
Director: Yash Chopra
Singer: Jagjit Singh
Comedian: Jaspal Bhatti
Godfather: Balasaheb Thackeray
Producer & Financer: Ponty Chadha
And recently the Villian: Kasab

A Sad Story

A Sad Story:

Ek student ko apni classmate se pyar ho gaya
.
Ladke ne use propose kiya Lekin ladki ne inkar kar diya aur teacher ko uski complaint kardi
.
Teacher ne ladke ko kaafi daanta or 1 week ke liye class se nikal diya
.
.
Jab 1 week baad ladka wapas class mein gaya to Ladki ko uss se pyar ho gaya Ladki ne us ladke ki book mein
likha: 'I m sorry & I love u too'
.
.
Ladke ne koi response nahi diya.
.
Isi tarah 4 saal guzar gaye
.
Moral:- bewkoof ladki itna bhi nahi samajti Ladke kabhi books nahi kholte hai...

What is Kiss?

What is kiss?

Ans: In Maths= Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.

In Physics = It is a process of charging human body.

In Computer = Kiss is local area network in which 2 bodies conneted without any data cable.

In Economics = Kiss is a process in which demand is always higher than supply.

When You FULLY Trust a Person

When you FULLY trust a person without any doubt,

You'll get any one of the two results for sure:-
"A PERSON for Life
-OR-
"A LESSON for Life"...

Boy To Girlfriend

A Boy Makes a Glass of Whisky & asks his Gf: Lo Pio isko!
.
.
GF tastes & says: Chee, Kitni karvi hai!
.
.
Boy: Aur tu sochti hay Ke mein Roz Ayyashi Karta hun ..

To All Engineering Students

TO ALL ENGINEERING STUDENTS..

smooth road never make gud drivers,

clear sky never make gud pilots,

and..

CLEARING ALL SUBJECTS IN 1ST ATTEMPT NEVER MAKES GUD ENGINEER.

Difference Between Friend And Wife

Difference between Friend and Wife..
You can Tell your Friend
“you are my Best Friend”
But

Do you have courage tell to your Wife

“you are my Best Wife?”

What we Learn From Indian Television Ads

What we learn from Indian Television Ads..??
You Don't Need Singing Skills To Be An Indian Idol, You Just Need Fair & Lovely..!!
That No One Can Eat Cadbury Dairymilk Chocolate Without Getting It All Across Their Face..!!
To Close Bathroom Door While Brushing Teeth, Else A Tv Reporter Might Step In & Ask "Kya Aapke Toothpaste Mein Namak Hai?"
Don't Buy Reliance..!! Even Anushka Sharma Couldn't Convince Ranvijay To Buy It..!!
That Both Kareena Kapoor & Saif Ali Khan Have Serious Dandruff Problem..!!
That If You Don't Use Harpic, People Will Barge Into Your House To Clean Your Toilet..!!
That Only Thing Super Hot Girls Care About Is Your 140 Rupees Deodorant Bathed Body!
Money Minded Women Will Fall For Any Guy Who Applies A Deo Or Uses A Fairness Cream. No Other Quality Matters!!
That Salman With A Relaxo Chappal Can Achieve Many Great Things, Unlike The Salman Without The Chappals..!!
That Your Mom Will Be Proud Of You If You Take A Bath In A
Puddle Of Mud! #Daag Ache Hain.

Who Says Mumbai Never Stops

Who says #Mumbai never stops for anybody....???

Mumbai did stop showing love for Balasaheb....

#Balasaheb always
had the power, respect...!

Har Ek Boy Ki Dil Ki Khwaaish

Har Ek Boy Ki Dil Ki Khwaaish Hoti Hai……??
.
..
Khud Kitne Bade Kamine Hon Par Ladki Shareef Chahiye…

Maa To Pappu

Maa: Tu Apne Baal kyun nahi katwata...??

Pappu: Yo Mom it's fashion.

Maa: Wo to theek hai par LogTeri Bahen ke liye aate hai aur Tujhe Pasand kar jaate hain..

The Ones Who Liked JTHJ

The ones who liked JTHJ are human beings..
.
.
.
The ones who didn't, are being humans..

Rahul To Sonia

Rahul : Mom hum iss desh ko kab tak lootengey

Sonia : ''JAB TAK HAI JAAN''

Rahul: ohh Par humari help kon karega?

Sonia: ''SON OF SARDAR''

Kanjoos Baap

Kanjoos baap ke bete ne kaha: "Papa meri GF pregnant ho gayi hai.
50,000 mang rahi hai, CHUP rehne ke"
.
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se paise de diye.
.
2 mahine baad dusra beta bola: "Meri GF pregnant hai 75,000
mang rahi hai.
.
Kanjoos ne khamoshi se de diye.
.
6 mahine baad Kanjoos ki kuwari beti boli: "Daddy, I am pregnant!"
.
Kanjoos ne usko gale se Lagaya Aur kaha: "Shabaash beti, Ab paise lene ki baari hamari hai."

Newton's 17th Law

Newton's 17th law:

In bed, its 6:00 am, if u close your eyes for 5 mins, its direct 7:45,
but
in lecture its 12:30, you close your eyes for 5 mins, itz still 12:31.

Boys ki 2 Baatein

Boys ki 2 baatein Bahut achi hai.
.
1) Kisi Parayi Girl Par Nazar Nahi Dalte,
.
2) Kisi Girl Ko Paraya Nahi Mante.

Hoping That This Vishwakarma Pooja

Hoping that this Vishwakarma Pooja will be the start of year that brings the happiness that Lord Vishwakarma fills your home with prosperity &fortune.

Best wishes on Vishwakarma Puja.

Software Engineer Style

Software Engineer style
May this Diwali give U…

Independence of JAVA
Power of UNIX
Popularity of WINDOWS
Luxury of .NET
Efficiency of C
Ease of VB
Robustness of ORACLE
Vision of PHOTOSHOP
Vastness of INTERNET
Compactness of JPG
Richness of BMP
Coverage as YAHOO
Reachness of GOOGLE
&
Security of NORTON!!!
Happy Diwali … Enjoy!

On The Auspicious Festival of Lights

On the auspicious festival of lights,

may the glow of joy, prosperity and happiness illuminate your days in the year ahead.

Wishing you and your family a very HAPPY DIWALI.

Girls Are Not Complicated

Girls are not complicated.... ..

They just want love. And some surprise gifts.
And some jewellery.
And few other things which you have to guess because they will never tell you straight.

Har Itt Te Likha

Har Itt Te Likha " I Miss u " Te O Har Itt Mara Tere Ser Ch. . .

Tenu v Taan Pata Lage Teri Yaad Kina Dard Dindi aa.

Har Itt Te Likha

Har Itt Te Likha " I Miss u " Te O Har Itt Mara Tere Ser Ch. . .

Tenu v Taan Pata Lage Teri Yaad Kina Dard Dindi aa.

Happy and Prosperous Deepawali

Wishing you and your family a very happy and prosperous Deepawali.

May the blessings of Lord Ganesha always be with you and may your life always sparkle with joy, success and well being.

Need a FemaLe Girl

Need a FemaLe Girl ????????
.
.
.
Diwali aa rahi hai na.... Ghar ki Safai karwani hai.

Need a FemaLe Girl

Need a FemaLe Girl ????????
.
.
.
Diwali aa rahi hai na.... Ghar ki Safai karwani hai.

Two Boys Were Playing Games

Two boys were playing chess (joke doesn't
end here).

1st Boy: Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak raha hai.

2nd Boy: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda.
The joke doesn't end here

Phir waha Vishwanath anand aata hai.

Vishy: Chalo Boys, chess khelte hain.

Boys: Nahi, aap to humein aasani se hara doge.

Vishy: Chalo yaar, Tum dono aur main akela.

Boys: Phir bhi hum haar jayenge

Vishy: Okay, main left hand se khelunga.

Boys: Haan. Phir thik hai.
The joke still doesn't end.

Dono obviously haar jate hain aur Vishy chala jata hai.

1st Boy: Badi sharmanaak baat hai, yaar. Left hand se bhi hara diya usne.

2nd Boy: Abe bewkoof bana gaya woh hume.

1st Boy: Kaise?

2nd Boy: Saala lefty hi hoga.

Honest Sister

Honest Sister.

A little Smal Girl seen his bro girlfrend and Ask innocently...
..
..
..
Everyday you here to meet my brother, u dont have your own
brother. . . ?

On The Auspicious Day

On the auspicious day of Dhanteras puja Hindus follow the tradition of purchasing precious metals gold, platinum or silver, in the form of jewellery coins or utensils for good luck.
Happy Dhanteras…

We Indian Student Are AlwaysThe Best

We Indian student are always the best..

Look how we study
1) B4 paper unnecessary sms to frndz.
2) Plan each day to study but end of d day:
Kal se pakka
3) We waste all our tym in counting chapterz instead of
doing them.
4) We want break after every 2 pages
5) Unnecessarily we start feeling hungry
6) We even start liking doordarshan
7) About every hard topic we think:
lagta nahi ke ye aayega.
8 ) B4 starting study, msg frndz: Kitna padha? mein kya padhu?
9) Right now u r thinking of forwarding this msg to ur frndz.
10) On each point u smiled, n thought: Hum par to bilkul suit krta hai.

Define Birthday

Define Birthday ??
.
Fantastic Answer By Dr. Abdul Kalam:- .
.
The only day in your life
Your mother smiled when you cried..! ♥

PM To Secretary

PM to Secretary- Jab se PM Bana Hoon Meri Maa ko Hichki Bahut Aati Hai.
.
Secretary- Actualy Sir,
.
Petrol ke daam badhne se Log Aapki Maa Ko Bahut Yaad Karte Hain.

Student To Teacher

Me: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: What for?

Me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF
SECRETS.

Main Rab Kolo Pucheya

Main rab kolo pucheya..... RABBA.... EHNA HUSAN Q DITTA PUNJABI KUDIYAN NU........
.
.
rab ji muskura ke kehnde...
KANJRO.... TU C KEHDA GHAT SOHNE HO......

Frog To Boy

Ladka ta aiwen hi udaas baitha paani ch patthar maar reha c.....

Ke ik dadddu(frog) baahar aaya te ladke nu kehnda....

ANDAR AA PAANI DE KANJARA....
KAD DA TERI UDAASI....

SAALEYA MERE CHOTE MUNDE DA SIR PAAD TA PATHAR MAARKE....

Top - 10 Programming Language Currently Used

Top - 10 Programming language currently Used

1. Java – 35.7%
2. C, C++ – 15.3%
3. C# – 12.7%
4. Perl – 11.9%
5. JavaScript – 10.9%
6. Visual Basic .NET – 5.2%
7. PHP – 2.9%
8. Ajax – 2.7%
9. Python – 2.0%
10. Ruby – 0.7%

How Engineers Complete Their Assignment

How Engineers complete their assignment:
Open MS Word >Type 2 lines>
Need Reference > Open Internet >
Open facebook > Spend one hour
on Facebook > Check for what
was actually required > Close
internet > Tired enough already >
open Game (NFS/FIFA) > Play for 1
hour > Close game and open
Facebook again > Loop goes on
for some time > Finally after 6 hours and at the end of the
assignment "Saala Puri raat ho gayi assignment banate banate!"

Girl To Boy

Girl (short clothes pehan ke): main young lag rahi hu na...??
.
Boy : ye bhi utar de pagal.. new born baby lagegi..

After Ishq Wala Love

After ishq wala love what next do you expect from Bollywood

Chai wali tea, Hawa wali wind, Kutta wala dog.

TOUCHING SAD STORY

TOUCHING SAD STORY♥
--------------- -----------
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes.
When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open.
He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard.
The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to bea poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. What do you think were the four words?
.
.
The husband just said "I Love You Darling"
MORAL LESSON:
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior.
The child is dead. He can ηєνєя be brought back to life.There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No point in attaching blame.
She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
NOTE:
Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we lovebe the easiest thing in the world to do?
Treasure what you have. Don't multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Boy To Maa

Boy Ki Maa:- Puttar Tujhe Yahan
Se Jalandhar Jane Mein 1 Din Laga Aur Wapas Aane Mein 3 Din Q Wo
Bhi Naye Car Se....??

Boy:- Maa Ye Car Banane Wale Bhi Pagal Hain...

Jaane Ke Liye 4 Gear
aur Aane Ke Liye Sirf 1
(Revers) Gear...

The Awsome Moment

The Awsome moment
.
.
When you are telling A Joke but can't finish it
Because Your laughing too hard

Then friend says :
Dekh Pehle hans le ya bol le.

Dog and Mosquito

True Love Story:

Dog & mosquito were in Luv.

Mosquito kissed the dog,
Dog became emotional gave a Luv bite,
Mosquito died by rabies. Dog died by dengu.

Moral: Intercast luv is dangerous.

Child To Girl

18 yr old boy: Will u be my Girlfriend??

18 yr old girl: Get lost ! No !
.
.
5 yr old boy: Will u be my Girlfriend??
18 yr old girl: OMG ! u'r sho cute
(^_^) yes yes i will !!

Hey bhagwaan ye kaise leela hai tumhari.

FUNNY FULL FORMS OF IT COMPANIES

**FUNNY FULL FORMS OF IT COMPANIES**

1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds
8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings
12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort
13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters
14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.
15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

We Are The Only Generation

We r d only generation who have seen :
01/02/03
02/03/04
03/04/05
04/05/06
05/06/07
06/07/08
07/08/09
08/09/10
09/10/11
&
Lets celebrate 10/11/12 shortly.

We Are The Only Generation

We r d only generation who have seen :
01/02/03
02/03/04
03/04/05
04/05/06
05/06/07
06/07/08
07/08/09
08/09/10
09/10/11
&
Lets celebrate 10/11/12 shortly.

Girl To Boy

Girl (sharmaty hue): Ye Pyar kya hota hai?
.
Boy: pyar ka rishta 2 insano mein wohi hota hai jo cement or rait ke darmiyan pani ka hota hai.

For Example
Larka = Cement
Larki = Rait
Love = Pani
ab agar cement or rait ko Aapas mein mila diya jaye to wo strong nahi honge.

lekin agar in mein paani mix kar diya jaye to koi in ko juda nahi kar sakta.
.
Girl (hanste hue): Kaminey tu to pakka CIVIL ENGINEER hai..

Nurse To Engineer

Nurse to Engineer: Breathe deeply in and slowly exhale, do it 3 times.
.
Engineer: ok
.
Nurse: What do you feel now....??
.
Engineer: Ur BODY SPRAY is simply superb babe....

Teacher To Rajnikant

Teacher: What is half of 8??

Rajnikant: 4

Engineer(must b like me): It Changes.....

If U cut horizontally then Its '0'
&
If U cut vertically then Its '3'........

Rajnikant shocked…… Engineer rocked.

BSNL ka Network

BSNL ka network,
DOCOMO ka balance aur
FACEBOOK par mili ladki.. .
.
.
.
Kuch pata nhi kab kaha udd jaye.

Top Emotional Dialouge Of Boys

Top Emotional Dialouge Of Boys

When Girls Don't Reply Them...
.
"Main Toh Hu Hi Boring, koi Nahi Bolta...

Koi Baat Nahi, Reh Lenge Hum Aisa hi Dhuki..

Tum Bhi kar do Ignore, hu hi Gatiya..

After 5 mints..
Atleast ek reply to kar deti..
.
Aftr 10 mints..
Aaj ke Baad kabhi Disturb Nahi karunga... Be Happy..

Ek Ladka Tha Diwana sa

Ek Ladka Tha Diwana sa,
.
1 Ladki Thi Diwani si.
Dono sath Padte The.
.
Ladke Ne Ladki Ko Facebook Pe Friend
Request Send Ki.
.
Wo Apas Mein Dinbhar Chating Karne Lage.

Baad Mein Ladke Ne Uska Phone NO. Liya,
.
Fir Wo Msg Send Karane Lage.

Or Raat mein Phone Calls.

After 6 Month Ladke Ko Ladki Se Pyar Ho Gaya.

Ladki Ko Bhi Usse Pyar Ho Gaya.

After 1 Year Ladke Ne Ladki Ko Kisi Or Ke Sath
Ghumte Huye Dekha.

Ladke Se Ye Sadma Bardash Nahi Hua.

Depresion Mein Akar Wo Suicide Krne Ke Liye
Terrace Pe Chada Or Chalang Lagai.
.
Lekin Usi Waqt SHAKTIMAAN Waha Se Ja Raha Tha.

Kya SHAKTIMAAN Use Bacha Payega.....??

Jane ne ke Liye Dekhiye
.
SHAKTIMAAN...

You Can be a Doctor & save lives

You can be a 'Doctor' & 'save' lives.

You can be a 'Lawyer' & 'defend' lives.

You can be a 'Soldier' & 'protect' lives.

But why to 'play' with others’ lives?

So, we simply became 'Engineers' to 'screw' up our own lives!

Difference Between Mother's & Girlfriends

What's The Difference
Between Mother's &
Girlfriend's Tears.....??
.
.
A Classic Answer..
.
Mother's Tears"EFFECT Our HEART"
&
Girlfriend's Tears "EFFECT Our POCKET"

Akhilesh To Lady

Akhilesh Yadav UP ke ek Gaon ke Ghar MEin jakar ek Aurat se Bole,

" Ab hum aa gaye hain, Ab Vikaaas Hoga "
.
Aurat : " Pichli Baar Bhi Tumne Yahi Kaha Tha, Par Munni Hui Thi.."

A Husband's Version

A Husband's Version :
.
My Wife Is Like "Terms & Conditions" Of A Website,
.
.
I Never Understand what She Says

But

I Always Accept..!!

Wife Insult Husband

Pogo joke ...
.
.
Husbnd and wife was sleeping in bed ...
.
Husband had a habit to go for running every day early mrng.
.
1 day he got up and came out of house
.
He felt cold out side and he couldn't jog..

ANd came back to bed and lay there...

ANd told her wife that its too cold today...
.
Wife: "Wo gadha fir bhi bhaagne gaya hai "

Boyfriend To Girlfriend

A Boy on date in Restaurant-

Boy-jaan tumse ek baat kehna chahta hu.

Gf-kya?

Bf-I already have gf.

Gf-tune to dara diya saale, mujhe laga paise nahi hain..

1 Stone is Enough To Break a Glass

1 Stone is Enough To Break a Glass...

1 Word is Enough To Break a Heart...

1 Second is Enough To Fall in Love.....
.
But
.
Why one Chapter is Not Enough to Pass Engineering Exam's???

If i Get 8 Hours to Cut

"If i get 8 hours to cut a tree i'll spend 7 hours to sharp my knife."
- Abraham Lincoln

"If i get 30 days to study i'll spend 29 days to find xerox notes."
- An Engineer

Ek Ladka TRAIN Mein Chadne Laga

Ek ladka TRAIN mein chadne laga

Akashwani hui: "Isme mat hadh ye patri se utar jayegi"
.
PLANE mein chadne laga Aawaz aayi" Ye crash ho jayega"
.
BUS mein aawaz aayi "Ye khai mein gir jayegi"
.
Ladka gusse se- "Kaun hai...??
.
Aawaz aai- "GOD"
.
Ladka:- "Engineering mein jab admission le raha tha, tab tumhara gala baith gaya tha kya....???

Smartness of an Engg Student


SMARTNESS OF AN ENGG STUDENT: read the story

Teacher: Where’s your homework?

Girl: Ummm… (looks to boyfriend for help)?

Boy: It was my fault. Sorry.

Girl: (whispers) What r u doing? (he smiled & winked at her)

Teacher: What?

Boy: It was my fault.

Teacher: How so?

Boy: I walked her to school today & offered to carry her books.

Teacher: So where’s her homework?

Boy: I dropped it.

Teacher: Why?

Boy: I dropped it when I was beating up a guy for saying you weren’t the best teacher ever.

(everyone laughs & teacher smiles)

Teacher: I’ll give you one more day to get it finished.....♥

Get Married

Get Married........

Not for urself, but For the future of ur children,
...
They r getting late for IIT, AIEEE, PMT and CAT

Cut-offs are increasing day by day

Hurry up!!

Prof. To His Engineering Students

Prof. To his Engineering Students in a Communication Skill Lecture!!!

Students translate this sentence into Hindi..

Prof:-" Sambha united his Mother & Sister "
.
.
(After a deep thought)
.
.
The Students said:-
"Sambha ne apni Maa Behen ek kar di, Sir"!!!

Boy To Conductor

Conducter ek Bacche se:-
Tum hamesha Darwaje
mein khade rehte ho,

Tumhara Baap Chokidar hai kya.?
.
?
Baccha:-
Tu hamesa Paise mangta hai,

Tera Baap Bhikhari hai kya..?

Mom To Children

MOM to CHILDREN: Jo Meri Baat Manega aur mere Aage kuch Nahi Bolega,
Main Use Gifts dungi..
.
.
Children: Lo ji, Is Tarah to saare gifts Papa hi Le jayenge!!

Dear Hurricanes

Dear Hurricanes Earthquakes, Tsunamis and Floods.

It isn't 21st December yet, right? Please buy a calendar.

Sincerely, Humans.

4 Years 40 Subjects

4 Years,
40 Subjects,
400 Experiments,
4000 Assignments,
40000 hours

A normal human being CANNOT do it.

Those super heroes are
called ‘ENGINEERING STUDENTS’

I Asked 100 Women

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred...

the top answer was:

"Get the hell out of my bathroom!!"

Each Nyt I Go 2 Sleep

"Each Nyt I Go 2 Sleep, I Die. Next Day I Wake Up, I'm Reborn."
-M.K.Gandhi "

Each Nyt I Go 2 Sleep, I'm Reborn.

Next Day I Wake Up, I'm Dead Again."
-Engineering Student.

Someone Asked Shakespeare

Someone Asked Shakespeare:
"U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?"

He Showed Him A Calendar N Said

"A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger, Either Sunday Or Saturday??

So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age"
Love Has No Age.

MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys.

Student of The Year

"STUDENT OF THE YEAR"
Dear movie,

i did't have a Ferrari or Mercedes in my school days,

neither my school have acres of lands of campus...nd yeah a cool Disco too... And girls roaming around in
bikni...??

Hell no....!!
still my school days were awesome as hell... ♥ :) :)
so,

Mr. karan johar stop making such unrealistic movies as it can leave a wrong impression on the youth, making them to compare it
with their school days nd feel sick.

Exam Time Special

Exam time special:

usko pane ke liye main bhagvan se bhi ladh jata
.
.
Par baad mein socha exams paas aa rahe hain to bhagvan se panga thik nahi.

From The Day I Met You


Boy : From The Day I Met You,

I Have't Drank Or Smoked..

Girl : How Sweet Of You, You're Madly In Love With Me...

Boy- SHUT UPPPPPPPP...... .

You Made My Pockets Empty...!

Teacher To Student

Teacher: aaj tune fir homework
kyon nahi kiya?

Student = sir light nahi thi.

Teacher= to mombatti jala leta.

Student= sir machis nahi utha sakta tha,

Teacher= kyun be ?

Student= sir puja k ghar mein rakhi thi,

Teacher= to uthayi kyon nahi ?

Student= nahaya nahi tha sir.

Teacher- saale nahaya kyon nahi tha?

Student= paani nahi tha sir.

Teacher= abbey, paani kyon nahi tha?

Student -sir motar nahi chal rahi thi.

Teacher = Saale ab motar ko kya hua?

Student - Abbey Saale Pagla gaya hai kya ....

Kutte Kamine

Kitni baar bolun Saale ki light nahi thi.

Engineering Fact

Engineering Fact :

Exam ke pehli wali raat koi agar ek dost dusre dost ko phone karke poochta hai ki "kitna hua hai?"
.
chahe syllabus poora ho ya aadha, ya kuch bhi nahi hua ho.....

answer hamesha same
rehta hai "bhai abhi start karunga.

jhoote saale!!

Bimar Engineering student Se Mummy Boli

Bimar Engineering student Se mummy Boli:-

Jaakar Janwar Ke Doctor Ko Dikha,

To Hi Theek Hoga..

Beta:- Aisa Kyon...??

Mummy: Roz Subah Murge Ki Tarah Uth Jata Hai,

Ghode ki tarah bhag k tution mein jata hai,

Sher ki tarah class mein dosto k sath masti karta hai,

suwar ki tarah yaha vahan assignment par muh marta hai,

gadhe ki tarah submission karta hai,

ghar akar sab pe kutte ki tarah bhokta hai,

raat ko ullu ki tarah jag ke facebook pe chat karta hai,

bhais ki tarah so jata hai..

aur
bhigi billi ki tarah 40 marks lata hai..

ISLIYE.

Tota To Maalik

1 tota or uska maalik jahaaz mein safar kar
rahe the,

Airhosts Gujri to tote ne seeti baza di,

Airhosts ne muskra ke piche dekha ,,

To uske maalik ne bhi seeti baza di,

Airhosts ne complaint kar di,

elaan hua ke dono ko jahaaz se niche phenk
do,,,

darwaaze par tota malik se bola;

Uddna aunda aa?

Malik: nahi,,,,

Tota: fer aapni maa nu chedeyaa kyu c....

Double Meaning Joke

Double meaning joke . . .

Pappu Aur Uski Girlfriend Ek Din School Ke Ground Mein Bethe The
.
Girlfriend Ne Kuch sochte Hue Pappu Se Puchha:

“ Yaar,Ye Lal Killa Lal Kyun Hai? ”

Pappu Bhi Majak Ke Mood Mein Tha Bola.

“ Kyunki, Rajnikant Ne Paan Kha Kar Us Par Pichkari Maari Thi,
.
Ab Ye Mat Puchhna Ki Taj Mahal Safed Kyun Hai ?

Bahu To Saas

Jyotish: Bahu ke 3 abortion honge, Fir ladka hoga.

Saas: Oh God!

Bahu: Maaji Aap pote ki tyari karo,
.
Abortion ka quota main maike mein hi pura kar chuki hoon...!

4 Gals in a Group Can Say

4 Gals in a group can say-

yaar tera bhai mast dikhta hai, Intro to karwa.

But
4 Guys in a group cant say

'Yaar teri behan to mast dikhti hai !!'

What Engineering Taught Me

What Engineering taught me? [A must read]

1. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

2. I used 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+X

3. I learnt to say three very imp words for life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir
* I'll Just Do That sir
4. When I really wanted to study, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up late
* Sleep early
* Continue to continue to watch series/play games

5. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For 5 Days
* Wait For the Weekend

6. I learnt to give reasons to family frnds and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

7. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* Diwali
* Holi

8. In last 4 years, People say:-
* You made friends for a lifetime..
* You lived a life which was out of the world...
* You Enjoyed...

9. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived..

Insult

INSULT
.
.
Boyfriend : Please Keep Me In Your Brain, Not In Your Heart..
.
.
Girlfriend : How Funny, Why Not Heart..?
.
Boyfriend : Because
.
Your Heart Is Houseful And Brain Is Empty,
More Empty Space Means More Comfort.

Agar Aapke Laptop Mein

Agar aapke laptop mein data.pdf, .txt, .exe se zyada .avi, .3gp, .dvd mein hain toh kasam Sunny Leone ki

Aap Engineer Hain!

I Got 0 Marks in Exam

I got 0 marks in exam..

So Check the paper and tell me i am right na.!

Q.1 What is formula of water?
Ans: H,i,j,k,l,m,n,o (H to O).

Q.2 Till when 2nd world war was fought?
Ans: From page 115 to page120.

Q.3 Who was Bhagat Singh?
Ans: Ajay devgan, Bobby deol…

Now tel me who is wrong, me or teacher!

3 Boys Proposed a Girl


3 boys proposed a girl
.
1st: Main tumhare liye apni jaan de sakta hu.
.
Girl: Wo to sab kehte hain
.
2nd: Main tumhare liye chand tare tod kar la sakta hu.
.
Girl: Purana dailouge hai.
.
3rd: Main tumhari ACTIVA mein Roz 1 ltr Petrol dalwaunga.
.
Girl: Ankho mein aansu ke saath Pagal itna chahta hai mujhe.

Aap Ka Mobile Bohat Acha Hai


Girl: Aap Ka Mobile Bohat Acha Hai Kitney ka Liya?

Boy: Race competition Mein Jeeta Hai.

Girl: Wow! Race Mein Kitne Log The?
.
Boy: 3 Police Wale, 1 Mobile Shop Wala Or Main.

American Kids on Eiffel Tower

American kids on eiffel Tower. "
Wow, what a beautiful view."
. .
. .
Indian kids on eiffel tower.
"Chal dekhte hai kiski thook pehle neeche girti hai.."
aaakkk thuuuu..!!

Ek College ke Kuch Ladke

Ek college ke kuch ladke Roz ek hotel mein jate aur Ek waiter ko khoob pareshan karte the.

Ek din unhe apni galti ka ehsaas hua aur Unhone waiter ko 10 rupaye Tip dekar maafi mangi, Sorry bhai Aaj ke baad hum tumhe Kabhi pareshan nahi krenge."

Waiter khush hokar bola

Thanx bhai, Main bhi waada karta hoon Ki aaj ke baad aap logo ki coffey mein THUKA nahi karunga.

Tragedies of Girl's Life

Tragedies of Girl's Life:
.
Good looking boys are not good boys...

Good boys are not good looking...

Good looking and good boys are married ...or commited

Good single boys with good looks are not rich...

Rich single boys with good looks already have MANY girlfriends.

Santa Train Mein ek Seat Par Akela Leta Tha

Ladka train mein ek seat par akela leta tha
.
Ek aadmi aaya aur bola:- bhai thoda side mein ho jaiye mujhe bhi baithna hai.
.
Ladka:- tujhe pata hai main kaun hu..??
.
Aadmi darr ke dusri jagah baith gaya
.
phir ek pahalwan aaya aur bola:- side mein ho ja chotu mujhe baithna hai.
.
Ladka:- abe oye tujhe pata hai main kaun hu.
.
Pahalwan ne ladke ki gardan pakad ke utha liya aur bola:- haan bol tu kaun hai.....??
.
Ladka:- ji main " Bimaar " hu.. 2 din se tezz bukhar hai.

Ladki To Maa

Larrki: Ammi main shaadi nahi karun gi or agar zabardasti tum ne meri shadi ki to ghar sy bhaag jaungi.

Maa rote huwy boli: beti maa ne bhaag ke tere abba ke saath shaadi ki,
teri khala or behen ny bhi bhag ke shaadi ki, tera bhai nokrani ke sath
or
tera chacha dhoban ke sath bhag gaya,
teri phopho sabzi waly ke sath
or
cousin doodh waly ke sath bhag gai,
tera baap 2 bar parrosan ke sath bhag chuka hai,
ab tu bhi bhag jaye gi to..

Hamari kya izzat reh jayegi,
kuch khayal kar.

Waheguru

WAHEGURU (ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ)ੴ
W = ਵੱਡਾ
A = ਆਣ ਬਾਣ-ਸ਼ਾਨ ਦਾ ਰਾਖਾ
H = ਹਰ ਇਕ ਦਾ ਸਾਝਾਂ
E = ਇਕੋ....ਇੱਕ
G = ਗਰੀਬਨਵਾਜ਼
U = ਉਤਪਤੀ ਕਰਨ ਵਾਲਾ
R = ਰੋਮ-ਰੋਮ ਵਿੱਚ ਵਸਣ ਵਾਲਾ
U = ਉਸ ਤੋ ਵੱਡਾ ਕੋਇ ਨਹੀ ੴ"Satnaam Sri Waheguru Ji"ੴ

Dost To Aadmi

Dost: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?

Aadmi: Ghutno pe Chal ke Aayi thi Mere Paas.

Dost: Kya Boli?

Aadmi: Boli, Palang ke Neeche se Nikal Aao, Ab Nahi Marungi.

Whats The Difference Between Like & Love

Whats The Difference Between "Like & Love" ???

Any answer..??
.
When You Like A Flower,

U Just Pluck It..!

But,

When You Love A Flower,

U Water It Daily....!!

Funny Definitions

Funny Definitions:-
1)Laziness?
Asking lift for morning walk.

2)Craziness?
Get blank paper xerox.

3)Honesty?
Pregnant women taking 2 tickets.

4)Dehydration?
Cow giving milk powder.

5)Fashion?
Lungi with a zip.

6) Hope?
A 99 yr old women purchasing a life time sim card.

Hard Fact About Youngsters

Hard Fact About Youngsters :
.
.
.
"They Are Always Busy Staring The Desktop Wallpaper Wenever Their Parents Enter Their Room''

HAPPY DUSSEHRA TO YOU ALL

HAPPY DUSSEHRA TO YOU ALL!

Wish this Vijaya Dashmi and Durga Puja brings Fun, Love, Peace, Laughter, Prosperity, Success, Delight to you and your Family.

May this Dusshera Light up For You

May this Dusshera light up for you.

The hopes of Happy times,

And dreams for a year full of smiles!

" Wish you Happy Dusshera."

Bechare Ladke

Bechare Ladke..:P
.
Ladki par hath uthay to zalim,
.
Ladki se pit jaye to namard, .
.
Ladki ko kisi ke sath dekh kar lade to jealous,
.
Chup rahe to begairat,
.
Ghar se bahar rahe to awara,
.
Ghar me rahe to nakara,
.
Bachcho ko dante to buzdil,
.
Na dante to laparwah,
.
Biwi ko naukri se roke to shakki mizaz,
.
Na roke to biwi ki kamai khane wala.
.
Aakhir Bechara Ladka Kare To Kya kare.........??

A Prostitute Was Arrested by Police

A prostitute was arrested by police and was asked what her profession is?

She said, “SOCIAL ENGINEER“

The cop asked what exactly does a social engineer do.

She replied 'i build and demolish ERECTIONS.. ' ROFL

Tumhari Umar Kya Hai


Boy to Girl:Tumhari Umar kya hai?

Girl:20 years

Boy: tum ne to 5 saal pehle bhi yahi batayi thi?

Girl: dekha ladkiyan zubaan ki kitni pakki hoti hain..

If Saturday and Sunday Don't Excite You

If Saturday and Sunday don't excite you, then change your friends...

If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession..

Wife To Husband

Wife: (Gusse mein) Aapne bola tha bina reason sharab nahi peoonga..
.
.
Husband: Reason hai..
.
.
Diwaali aa rahi hai,
rocket chalane ke liye khali bottle chaahiye...

1 Chudail ne 60 Saal ke Shaadi Shuda Jode se

1 Chudail ne 60 saal ke shaadi shuda jode se kaha Main tum dono ki
1-1 wish puri kar sakti hun.

Wife > Main apne pati ke saath sari duniya ki sair karna chahti hun..

chudail ne charkhi ghumai 2 tickts aa gayi .

Fir pati se poocha tum batao kya chahte ho ??

Pati> Mujhe apne se 30 saal choti wife chaiye.. !

Chudail ne charkhi ghumai or pati ko 90 saal ka kar diya

Moral- Aadmi ko yaad rakhna chahiye ke chudail bhi aurat hi hoti hai.

Sun Rises in the East

Sun Rises in the East And Sets in West.

Fact: "Sun neither rises Nor sets its only Earth which rotates"
:-D
MORAL: EDUCATION spoils our common sense nothing else.

Maa To Beta

MAA: Beta Agar Meri Ankhein Kharab Ho jaye to tum kya karo ge?
.
Beta: Maa tumhein sheher le jau ga wahan ilaaz karwaonga .
.
MAA: Agar phir bhi theek na hui to?
.
Beta: Maa main paisay kharch karun ga tumhain Dusre mulk le ja ker Ilaaz karwaon ga........
.
Maa hass padi
.
Beta: Acha Maa agar meri Ankhein kharab ho jayen to tum kya karogi?
.
MAA : Mere LaL, main tujhe apni ankhein de dungi ..
.
No One is better than Mother!♥ !

Please take Care of Your Mother!♥ !

Ek Bacha Girl ko Kiss Karte Hue

Ek bacha girl ko kiss karte hue dekh leta hai.

Bacha: mujhe bhi karne do Warna main aapke papa ko bata dunga.

Ladki: Le yaar tu bhi karle,
Bacha kafi try karta hai,
Par wo height mein kam reh jata hai,

Baccha pareshan ho kar.
.
“Bhaar mein gayi duniyadari”

Jo kaam galat hai..
Wo galat hai..
Main to bataunga!!

Ek Indian or Ek American Dono Dost The

Ek Indian or Ek American dono dost
the…..

Dono ek din ek chocolate store mein gaye…

Waha sab logo ko busy dekhkar American ne 3 chocolate chura Li..

Jab dono bahar aaye to American bola:
"Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat
that"

Indian replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"

So they went to the counter and Indian
said to the Shop boy:-
"Do you wanna see magic?

" Shop boy replied: "Yes."
Indian said: "Give me one chocolate bar."

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.

He asked for the second, and he ate
that as well.

He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?"

Indian replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them."

U cant beat an Indian :)
East or the west, India is the best;)

1 Car ki Nilami ho Rahi Thi

1 Car ki Nilami ho rahi thi

10 lac
20 lac
30 lac

...1 Aadmi ne Car ki kharab halat par gaur kiya to paas khade Aadmi se pucha:
.
Is Car mein aisi kon C khoobi hai, ki iske itna daam lag rahe hain?
..
Aadmi: Ab tak is Car ke 10 hadse hue hain or har haadse mein sirf or sirf "Biwi" ki hi Maut hui hai.
-
Aadmi: 40 lakh:-)

DRINKERS Movies Banate Toh

DRINKERS movies banate toh-

1)Soda Akbar
2)Sab Ne Pila di Thodi
3)Rum de basanti
4)Hum tight ho chuke sanam
5)Beer Zaara
6)Bewde Zameen par.

One Popular Slogan at Working Place

One Popular Slogan at
wOrking PlaCe:

"Safety First..
But WOrk Must.."
.
I'm Saying it in my wOrds:

"LOve Must....
but
Parents FirSt"

:-D LovE your PARENTS

A Couple Never Fought in 25Yrs

A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!
.
A friend asked - How did U make it possible??
.
Husband - We went 2 Shimla for our Honeymoon, While Horse riding.

My Wife's Horse jumped & my wife fell down,
she got up, patted the
Horse's back & said "Dis is your 1st time"
.
After a while, it happened again. She said "dis is your 2nd time" &
.
When it happened the 3rd time, she took out a gun & shot the horse.
.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed the horse.
.
She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st time". &

Since then we are very happy.

Ek Minister Ki Biwi

Ek Minister Ki Biwi Bahut Hi Sunder Aur Sexy Thi.

Ek Din Minister Ka Na jane Kya Mood Bana Or Usne Patni Ko Bulaya Aur Puchha.

Minister: “Sach Sach Batao Tumne Hamare Saath Kitni Baar Bewafayi Ki Hai?”

Patni Kuch Soch Ke Boli: “Ji Sirf 3 Baar”

Minister Man Hi Man Mein Khush Hua Ki Chalo Itni Sexy Hone Ke Baad Bhi Sirf 3 Baar Hi Bewafayi Ki,

Fir Bhi Usne Pucha
Minister: “Kab Kab”

Patni: “Ek Bar Jab Aapke Dil Ka Operation Hua Tha To Main shehar Ke Sabse Bade Dr. Ko Manane Gayi Thhi”

Minister: “Hmm”

Patni: “Agli Bar Jab Aap Jail Mein Band The Aur Rihayi Ke Koi Chances Na The To Judge Ke Pass Gayi thi”

Minister: “Aur Teesri Bar”

Patni Sharmate Hue: “Jab Aapko Sarkar Banani Thi Aur Aapke Paas 76 MLAs Kam the.

A Engg. Student's GF Asked Him

A Engg. Student's GF asked him: kya exam mein 1 ya 2 baar back aane se degree ki value kam ho jaati hai???

Engg. Student ne apni pocket se 500 ka note nikala or pucha iski kya value hai ???

GF- Rs.500

Engg. Student ne use mutthi mein mod ke pucha ab ???

GF-500

Then he crushed the note with his foot & asked again....

GF-500

Engg Student jaanu hum enGineer bhi isi 500 ke note ki tarah hote hain, humein kitna bhi ragad lo hamari value kam nhi hogi:p

Agree??

Raavan was Killed by Ram

Raavan was killed by Ram - (R-R)

Kansa was killed by Krishna - (K-K)

Gandhi was killed by Godse - (G-G)

Verrapan was killed by Vijaya Kumar - (V-V)

Osama was killed on the orders of Obama -
(O-O)

- According to the deaths mentioned above, I conclude that Guys will be killed by Girls (G-G).

Be Careful

Happy Wedding To Kareena and Saif Uncle

What is LUCK ?

Kareena Kapoor (10 year old) had attended Saif's marriage with Amrita singh in 1991.

Kareena congratulated the couple at that time and Saif replied :-

"Thank you beta"

This is called Good Luck of Saif
|&|
Bad Luck of Kareena..
.
Happy Wedding To Kareena & Saif Uncle...

Mere Paas 3 Gas Cylinder Connection Hai


Boy to Girl - i love you

Girl- shakal dekhi hai apni....??

Boy - shakal pe mat ja mere paas 3 gas cylinder connection hai.. aur khud ka petrol pumb hai.
.
Girl:- awww...I love you too.

There is Nothing More Expensive

There is nothing more expensive than a female tear

When a single drop comes out,

it first mixes with "loreal" eyeliner and "Dior" mascara ;)
.
then when it comes down to cheek....

it mixes with D&G blusher :)

and in case it touches the lips,,

it gets mixed with "Maybelline" lipstick
this means that a single dropis worth at least Rs.1500.

RBI Should Declare

RBI should declare "Eclairs" as the new one Rupee and "Chloromint" as the new 50 Paisa..

saala har dukandaar chhutte ki jage yahi deta hai.....!!!

You Know I Broke my Engagement


Girl: You know I broke my engagement with Jay.

Friend: Why What happened?

Girl: You see, my feelings are changed completely
from what they were when I accepted him...

Friend: but why are you still wearing the ring?

Girl: Oh... My feelings towards the diamond ring are just the same !!!

Wish You and Your Family

Wish you and your Family Happy Navratri :)
Maa durga’s foot prints are entering your home & hope she stay there 4ever.

Happy Navratri :)

Beggar To Man

Beggar: Baba kuch de do bahut bhuka hu.

Man: 100 Rs. dikhate hue bola 50 Rs hai tumhare paas?

Beggar khushi se: G hai

Man: To Pehle woh to kharch kar le...

Reactions of KISSING

Reactions of KISSING in various Countries

America: - Kiss me hard !

France: - Kiss me Slowly !

In India
.
Jaldi karo koi aa jayega.

Student School Mein Gadha Lekar Aaya

Student school mein gadha lekar aaya.

Teacher: - 'O my god.! gadha Q laye ho :O
.
Student:- Aapne ek baar kaha
tha ke maine bade -bade gadho ko insan banaya hai.

maine socha iski bhi Life ban jayegi.. :p =)) :D

Student Rock Teacher shock

Aishwarya's Baby in School

Aishwarya's Baby in school .

Teacher-who is ur grand pa?

Baby-Big B

Teacher-who is ur mother?

Baby-Miss World

Teacher-who is ur father? .

Baby-No Idea Sir Ji.

English na Aane ka Nuksaan


English na aane ka nuksaan!

Boyfriend apni girlfriend se:
Darling Are u free tonight.......? ?

GF: Haramkhor! Free ke bacche Aaj se pehle kabhi paise liye hai
tujhse......?.?

Aadmi nu Rab di Raza ch

Aadmi nu Rab di raza ch razamand hona chahida hai,

honsle naal sab kam ho hi janda hai,

bas honsla buland hona chahida hai.

Waheguru waheguru waheguru

Saif and Kareena

"Saif & Kareena's marriage invitation card would be read as...

"Second Hand Jawani"

WEDS

"Halkat Jawani!

When a Guy Adds You on Facebook


Dear girls -

when a guy adds you on fb it means he wants to b your friend not ur husband,..

that's why its called a frnd request not a proposal !!!. ...

and when a guy likes ur status he likes your status, has not trying to impress u or flirt with u ...

when a guy likes ur picture, that means he likes ur picture not* YOU* .. .

Enlarged version of the public service msg by
* BOYS * ...

go ahead nd make this ur status guys ...

let Them all know the facts.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend Room Mein

Boyfriend and Girlfriend room mein khamosh baithe they*

Gf ki soch :
1- Kyun ye mujhse baat ni kar raha?
2- Kya ye dusri ladki k bareyme soch raha hai?
3- Kya ye kisi or ko chahta hai?
4- Kya isne mere chehre pe wrinkles dekhe hain?
5- Kya mai MOTI ho gai hun!.
.
Bf ki soch : Yaar saala Petrol Kitna Mehnga Ho Gaya hai?

Guru Nanak Mera

Guru Nanak Mera___
Guru Nanak Tera___
Guru Nanak Rab Da___
Guru Nanak Sab Da ____
Guru Nanak Hirdia Ch ___
Guru Nanak Chogrdia Ch ___
Guru Nanak Sikh Panth Ch ___
Guru Nanak Guru Granth Ch ____
Guru Nanak Garib Da ___
Guru Nanak Ameer Da ___
Guru Nanak Othe Jithe Ohda Bhagat A___
Guru Nanak Othe Jithe Chalda Guru Shabad A___
JAppo SArey WAHEGURU =)
*.*.* waheguru ji ka"KHALSA" waheguru ji ki"FATEH" *.*

Medical V/s Engineering College Students

Engineering and medical college principals argued that their students are fearless.
.
medical college principal called students and asked 2 jump in sea full of sharks.

Dey jumped
Principal said: see the guts
.
Engineering college Principal called the students & told them 2 jump
.
students: abe pagal ho gaya hai kya takle..??

Principal: see the guts..!!

Jatt To Sales Girl

MUST READ
JATT : Mujhe Dog Food lena hai.

SALES GIRL: Kya aapke pas Kutta hai?

JATT : Haan ghar pe hai.

SALES GIRL : Sorry! Store policy hai ke zarurat dekh kar item sale karo.

NEXT DAY
JATT :Mujhe Cat Food lena hai.

SALES GIRL : Sorry Sir pehle Billi la ke dekhao.

3 din bad JATT bag le ke store aya aur bola:
Bag mein hath dal ke sabot dekh lo.

SALES GIRL haath dal ke boli:
Koi Garm, Geeli aur Mulayum chez hai. Kiya hai?

JATT : Ye meri TaTTi hai, 0r mujhe aaj"TOILET PAPER lena hai..:P

LADKI Ki Shaadi Mein

LADKI Ki shaadi mein uska purana BOYFREIND b aaya tha.
.
sabi ne pucha kya ap hi DULHA ho?
.
Boy-Nahi main to semi-final mein out ho gya tha
.
FINAL Dekhne aaya hu. B-)

Ek Baar Pappu Bank Mein Gaya

Ek baar pappu bank mein gaya

Kamino mere ko A/C kholna hai..

Lady:- Tameez se baat kijiye,

Pappu: Tameez ki maa ki ankh, account kon kholega wo bata,

Lady manager ko complaint karne gayi.

Manager:- kyu batameezi kar rahe ho,

Pappu: Batameezi ki maa ki ankh, meri 2 crore ki lottery lagi hai, batao account kaun kholega,

Manager: arrey sir aap bhi kaha is chudail se baat kar rahe ho, main yaha kya aisi tesi krwane betha hun, plzz come sir .. PLzz

Paisa bolta hai boss :

If Aaliya Bhatt

If Aaliya Bhatt (Student of the Year Heroine) Marries Sidhartha Mallya
.
Then She will be called
.
"Aaliya Mallya"..

A Good Life is When You Smile

A good life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realize how blessed you are for what you have.

Stop looking for reasons to be unhappy.
Focus on the things you do have, and the reasons you should be happy.
Being happy doesn't always make us grateful, but being grateful will always make us happy.

In Soft Gleaming Night of Stars

In soft gleaming night of stars,

May all your dreams come true,

May every star of every night,

Bring love and joy to you.

Happy Birthday Big B.

Class Room is a Train

Class Room Is Like A Train

1st Two Benches R Reserved For VIP . .

Nxt Two Benches R for General Coach

Then

Last Two Benches R Very Demanded.

Bcz Its."SLEEPER COACH"

Exam Pattern

Exam pattern:

1995:Answer All Questions.

2000:Ansr any 5-Ques

2010:answer Either A (or) B

2015:Atlest Read D Questions

2020:Thank for coming

Wife Comes Home Late at Night

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.

Hope you have said hello to them.

Bank Manager To Employee

BANK MANAGER: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA, RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"

EMPLOYEE: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

A Young Banker Decided

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."
"Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"

Dhan Dhan Shri Guru Ram Dass Ji

Dhan Dhan Shri Guru Ram Dass Ji Maharaj Ji De Parkash Gurpurab Di Lakh Lakh Wadai Hove Ji.....!!!

Dhan Dhan RAMDAS GUR Jin Siriya Tine Sawariya.....!! !!

Wats The Height of Hope

Wats d height of hope??

It is: sitting in d exam hall,

holdin d question paper in hand

and tellin ur self

"dude,dnt worry.

DSC Exams will get postponed!"

Two Boys in West Indies


Two boys are very good friends. Both are jobless and one day first one asks to other plz" help me to get some good Job. Other says, “OK, next time we will apply together.” and they do.

Both have received call letter for job but, the job is in West Indies.

On interview day, first one says, “First I will go inside and answer all questions except the last one, and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. Then you go in and answer everything and You will get the Job.”

So, first one goes in.

EMPLOYER: When did we get Independence?

BOY 1: Efforts started in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER: OK. What’s India’spopulation?

BOY 1: (He was not to reply the last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you, Sir.

Now he comes out and tells the questions and answers to other boy.

BOY 2 remembers all answers and forgets the questions. He goes in now.

EMPLOYER: When were you born?

BOY 2: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.

EMPLOYER (Now quite upset): Are you mad Mr.?

BOY: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you Sir.